Lappin' it up...

Well, this may be my last post for a while as my school just started up again. And from my perspective it is hard core. This is my third semester. My third semester to look at all those assignments and feel like I'm drowning while I think “How will I ever get all that completed?” I do honestly love being a student, but I don’t love feeling pressured by due dates! And trying to figure out how and when it will all get done. I do not want to get straight A's but be a bad mom and wife, so I struggle to keep my head above water every semester. And I know, I know, I signed up for this. I am paying for this! Why? Because I know God has some kind of plan He is working on up there. And when I was seeking whether He really wanted me to do this or not, I was like, uh, God don’t you know this is going to be hard, take time, money, etc. blah blah blah. He was like, uh, what? Do you think I’m only supposed to ask you to do easy things? How do you think Moses felt or Abraham, or you know, what about my son Jesus? Ok Ok I get you God. Sometimes we have to Do Hard Things, right girls? (lol) And as I complain, I know that in the big scheme of things being a grad student is really no big deal. But it is still my reality at this point in my life and this is my blog so there you go. So needless to say, on average for the next three months I have about two 8 page papers due per week, along with two tests. And that’s only nine hours people. It is a real challenge for me, one I am incapable of completing without God.

I did something else hard this week, too. I lived through a softball game in which we lost 30-5. It was horrible! It really was my definition of hell on earth. My team could not do much of anything right. I was completely miserable and helpless standing at first base. The only way it could have been worse is if it were a few degrees hotter…..and I was naked. Seriously! Torture.

My Season went to her first day of preschool yesterday. I really don’t know what happened while she was there, except that they had popcorn for snack and she played in the dirt. But when I picked her up she was smiling. That’s good right? Lol. She really did have a good time and is ready to go back. I’m excited that she’s excited. She also had gymnastics yesterday. It was the most hilariously adorable thing I’ve ever seen, and she loved every minute of it. This season of her life is just a lot of fun. She is learning so much so quickly, and I admire the joy she finds in the simple things. I love being her mommy.

So, I am about to listen to a lecture online. That is the truth of my life. It is such an exciting one...sitting on my couch wearing headphones with my laptop... in my lap hehe

Who do you say I am?

I have often said that I don’t care what people think of me, that whether you like me or not matters little to me. I am just who I am and am not willing to change to make you like me. And though it is still mostly how I feel, I realize now that it may not always be Christ-like to think like this. Growing up and still to this day, I have had people tell me that they didn’t think I liked them, or that they didn’t like me until they really got to know me, that they thought I was a "snob." I am quiet, reserved, shy, introverted, all those stinkin’ words that I have come to hate, but that’s who I am. That is how God made me I guess. So, am I responsible for other people’s perceptions of me? Can I help the judgments people form of me before they ever know me? Unfortunately, whether I like it or not, I believe the responsibility is mostly mine. This is a hard truth for me because I really am oblivious to others around me for the most part. (not to their needs, but to their perceptions of me. I want to be a servant, I just don't want to be concerned with people I am unaware of forming opinions of me) I just do my thang and don’t really think about much else, until it’s over. Then I might look back and think hmmmm I wonder what so and so thinks about me. But then I think who cares and move on. Honestly, and until recently I didn’t really realize that everybody was not like that.

But, I feel awkward making small talk with people, so a lot of times I just say nothing. I hate forced conversations. But, I really do envy that quality in people to make those around them feel comfortable. My husband is so good at that. I just feel stupid when I open my mouth to talk to somebody I don’t know that well. I really do desire to be more approachable, though. I desire to be a reflection of the joy I feel in my heart. I want all people to see Jesus in me, not just the people I know well. I want strangers to feel secure in my presence and not wonder whether I like them or not. In order to do this I have to embody the fruits of the spirit. People should see love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control when they look at me. I don’t think that is expecting too much of myself. It may be difficult to overcome my weaknesses. In fact, it will be impossible without Jesus working through me, without my obedience to walk in the spirit. I must step out when He says to step out. I don’t have to be something I’m not, but I must be the me He created me to be. And I don’t think he created me to use my weaknesses as excuses or crutches. I think He gave me weaknesses so that He could show His awesome strength in my life.

So, I really don’t care what people think of me. But I do care what God thinks of me.

Covered Up in Kids!

Catching up

I cannot keep up with my blogging. I just have so many important things to do, lol. No, but really, I have been busy lately. Not with anything huge, but lots of small things that I would like to finish one of these days. And school is about to start back up for me. I am almost dreading it, simply because I have had few deadlines this summer. Deadlines are good for me though because they give my day some discipline whether I like it or not. Season will start preschool this year, too. She is really excited about it, so that is a relief for me. She is also going to be taking gymnastics. I can’t wait to see her do that! But, I’ll blog all about that later. Today I feel like I need to catch up with what’s been happening lately. So this post will be somewhat random, like myself. And I’ll try not to get too deep and reflective as my past few posts have been very much so. I need to lighten up I think!

This past weekend the Pregnancy Center hosted an all-night tournament, at which I played and worked. Needless to say I went a whole 24 hours without sleep! But it was worth it since we raised much-needed funds for the Center. My team did horribly, losing both of our games. Lose two and you’re out. So,yeah. The second game I was just scared of getting hit with the ball at first base by my own shortstop, being that he was mostly drunk. He kept missing the ball and blaming it on Budweiser or Miller or whatever. Funny in a sickening kind of way. He somehow managed to throw me the ball; however, I did try to stop the ball with my ankle at one point. Unfortunately, also,one of our volunteers broke her knee(or something similar, she’s supposed to go to the doctor today to get the prognosis). She was playing hind catcher and pretty much got run over at home plate. It wasn’t pretty at all with her lying on the ground suffering, while the guys on her team were worried about kicking the guy’s butt that slid into her. Anyway, after that, I sat in the bleachers for six hours keeping score. I am a pro at this point. A pro with tons of mosquito bites and a flat sore butt. I learned some new batting techniques, caught up with one of my ex-students (who was also drunk BTW), watched monster moths try to crash the games, and managed to stay awake until the sun came up. Shane (Wendy’s man) very kindly brought me drinks and tried his best to keep me awake, while he was dreaming with his eyes open. All in all it was a good time. I made it to Sunday School and then I crashed like never before. Staying up all night is stupid, no matter the reason. Lol.

Softball has become quite a part of my life this summer, as tonight will be my fourth game in five days. I honestly love it though. I mean I hate playing when it is so hot or when my teammates are drunk, but I do enjoy the competition. This is the first season I have played first base and I like it, though every time the ball is hit toward second base I want to be there too. I pretty much want to be wherever the ball is hit, not that I would catch it every time but I would sure like to try. Is it wrong to be a 30-year-old mom and enjoy sports so much? I just hope my kids enjoy them too. Then, at least I can vicariously live through them, lol.

My kids are still awesome. Grayson makes me laugh so much. He is just so determined when he gets something in his head. He is also very forceful, by that I mean that if he wants to sit in my lap and I am doing something else, he will kick and claw his way to right where he wants to be. And it can be painful. Even his hugs are painful, but so loving too. He is such a show-off. I love it. And Season, wow!, she is growing up so fast, it makes me hurt, too. She is determined, as well. She is very convincing too, making her way somehow seem like the right thing to do. I question how a four-year-old can be so persuasive, and maybe I am just being a pushover. Yeah, that could be it. She is very good at working the tears right when she needs them though. They challenge me, bring me to my knees, fill my house with laughter and love, and make me act seriously silly.

I have enjoyed several times with friends lately, old and new. It is such a blessing to have friends, and good ones at that. I am just in awe of God for surrounding me with the people He has. Well, I have blogged my time away…and not really said much, but it has somehow made my head a little less cluttered. I have more ideas in my head to share, but still have to expand them. (walking in the spirit vs. not walking in the spirit, willlingness to admit weaknesses, my responsibility in people’s perceptions of me, our spiritual gifts, my friends, my religion, personality types). So, yeah, the ideas are just swimming and I’m sure you are just so anxious to hear my views. I guess I will sign off now as my forceful son is literally climbing on my back.

But I gotta add that my husband is awesome, too. He has made my latest outings possible by being such a great dad. I'm thankful that he is always around and doesn't complain(very often lol) when he has to pick up the slack. WYMSIE baby! He is my MAN.