Five things I love right now

1. I love watching my kids interact. I love that they love each other. When they hug and kiss on each other there just ain’t nothin’ better. They like to pretend that Grayson is a dog, and Season leads him around with a leash(belt). I love it. Grayson barks and begs, and Season throws him a toy to fetch. To hear Season say , “Look at Bubba. He is so funny,”, with this huge proud grin on her face. And when Grayson wakes up in the morning and says, “Where Seazee?” The Best! It‘s exactly why I wanted them to be close in age, so that they would have a forever bond, a reliance on each other, a knowing glance, inside jokes, a peace in the fact that no matter what life may bring, they will always have each other.
2. I love anytime I can steal some quietness, some time where absolutely nothing is going on, the calm before the storm. This is usually in the mornings amidst my coffee topped with whipped cream, my Bible, and my journal. I love this quiet time that I can reflect, pray, read, study, just a time to gain understanding, prepare my “battle plan," for the day, and be refreshed in order to get through the day with peace.
3. I love when I get to spend time with my kids individually. They are able to just be themselves with Mom without having to one-up each other, lol, and I am able to focus on just them. Lately, Grayson is so affectionate. At bedtime, after a book about tractors, of course, he insists on kissing each of my eyes, my ears, my nose, and my forehead. I love it! They are the sweetest kisses ever! He usually wakes up before Season in the mornings too, and for about fifteen minutes, he will not let me out of his sight. He needs me….selfishly, I hope he always does! I tell him no other woman can ever take mommy’s place! Ok, and not in a weird Oedipus Rex kinda way. Lol. Season says the cutest things, and has a way of making me feel like the best mommy ever! Like on mother’s day, she said, “Mommy, I’m glad you’re my Mommy!“ She and I got to take a shopping/movie trip together the other day (along with my bff who loves me even though I am an unfashionable, clumsy dork). Anyway, Season was just awesome, ok except for like seven potty breaks and lying on the dressing room floor and saying very loudly, “Mommy, your bobo is a lot bigger than mine.” She is growing up so fast, and I just want to be able to savor every little thing about her being who she is right now. Why am I a stay-at-home mom? Yeah, all this and more. Being their mommy makes me feel ragingawesome.
4. I love that Graham and I can share the Lord. We can argue and analyze and share the things of God. Through this we grow in our love for each other and our love for God. We tried to start a tradition of getting up early , having coffee together, praying, and doing a little devotional thing. We did it like two days in a row, and it was great. Unfortunately, I am really lazy in the mornings, so we are still working that out. But, to see his passion for the Lord still raging--love it! Though when I get in a bad mood and he tells me, just give it to God, oh wait this is things I love. So, anyway, yeah.
5. I love to get lost in a good book. I just finished Safely Home by Randy Alcorn. It came highly recommended by a couple of friends, and it totally lived up. I know a book is good when I get mad that it’s over. And, yeah, I was completely mad at the author for not telling me more. Go read it, and be amazed at people who truly know what it is to be persecuted for Jesus. I love a good praise CD. I love that we just spent the rainy weekend with great friends and had fun. I love allergy pills. I love chocolate. I love the library. I love my life group. I love the Sonic at happy hour. I love my new dryer. I love to be in His presence. I love that Season is playing with the Barbie’s I used to play with. I love that Grayson is right there beside her brushing the Barbie’s hair with a plastic spoon. And we wonder why the word love has lost its meaning.
I love this picture...Isha's Alisha, Christy's Maddie, My Season!

Ragingawesome Baby!

My favorite word, which I made up because I am a dork like that, is ragingawesome. I'm not quite sure when I decided that this would be my catch phrase, or that I was allowed to make up words, or that I would be so goofy as to share it with others. But other than being so much fun to say, it has deeper meaning to me. I like to think that whatever you do, you should do it with rage. I know, I know rage is usually violent anger, but here I mean complete sold-out passion, not anger. God created us with passions and desires and I think He intended for us to do those things, to live our lives with serious rage. The Bible says whatever your hands find to do, do it with all your might. Rage! Or as Mr. Abe Lincoln said, "Whatever you are, be a good one." I know it's nothing we've never heard before, but are we really doing this in our day-to-day lives? Are we really being our best? I know I'm not. And I'm not talking about being perfect. Anyone who knows me knows my goal is not perfection. In fact perfection gags me, infuriates me, fills me with rage. lol Anyway. I'm just saying make it your goal to live your life with passion even in the little things. Don't be so afraid of making a mistake or doing it wrong that you lose the passion, the rage.

When I was teaching, my students thought I was an idiot most of the time (a "cool" idiot though), but I even made me a t-shirt that said Ragingawesome Bears. Yeah, and I wore it on game days. It rocked! lol One of my favorite poems to teach was by Dylan Thomas, which he wrote to his dying father, begging him to not go out without a fight. It says, "Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light." I was reading this in front of the class one time and accidentally said "Rage, rage against the machine!" lol Anyway, this is my goal....to be ragin'. A ragin' Christian, a ragin' wife, a ragin' mom, to pursue my God-breathed passions with rage. Yeah, I like it!

Yo' Momma

1. "There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep."-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Yes, it’s true. We all breathe a sigh of relief, a prayer of thanksgiving when our little ones finally fall asleep. In fact, I have found myself alone in the living room doing the touchdown symbol when they are both out at the same time in the middle of the day. And on those tough days, I might even do a little celebration dance in the end zone. I mean I love love love my babies, but when you’re a stay-at-home mom, a break is well warranted and needed….for the children’s sake. Lol
2. "Mothers are all slightly insane." ~ J.D. Salinger Hahahaha….how many times have I admitted to being insane this year? You know being a mom who thinks she can do so many things at one time can do that to you, and for some reason, we all think we can. And you know what, the truth is we normally can. But in the midst of the whirlwind that is cooking the dinner, sweeping the floor, teaching the children, reading the Bible, folding the laundry, planning the party, pursuing our own interests, keeping the man happy, all with a pearly white smile and within the same hour of course, well it feels like complete insanity, kind of like childbirth without drugs I’m sure. But once that whirlwind of activity is over, just like childbirth, you sit back and think “Wow, I did that.” Though, not without a little help from my Lord. And we are all ready to do it again, forgetting the overwhelming parts, and only remembering the positive outcomes, which is insane in itself. But, if I try to take a break for like a day, or even an hour, well it just is not copasetic. And so the insanity continues.
3. It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”- The Golden Girls Sorry, but you know it’s funny. Thank God for creating us both, because when it comes to doing certain things, like declogging the toilet or killing the mice and snakes, I am so thankful I am a woman. Just as my husband is thankful he is not at home being mommy 24/7. (Though for the record if any man had to do it, mine could get it done, and get it done well!)
4. The lullaby is the spell whereby the mother attempts to transform herself back from an ogre to a saint. I am so sad that my babies are already over the whole getting rocked to sleep thing. I never felt more in tune with God than when I was holding my baby, singing to them while rocking them to sleep. It’s makes the whole hectic day worth it to have this beautiful baby completely dependent on you wrapped in your arms wanting to be nowhere but right where he is. That’s when I learned that is exactly how God wants us to be with Him. We are His children. He loves us more than we can even imagine loving our babies. He wants us to climb up in His arms and completely depend on Him. Wow!
5. “A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home.” -Chinese proverb This is one that means more to me all the time. This is my home. I am the woman of this home. I create the atmosphere of this home. If I want a happy, peaceful home, I must be a happy, peaceful mom. How do I get this done? By resting in the arms of my Father!
So, on my fifth mother’s day, I am so thankful to my own prayer-warrior mother for showing me exactly what a mother is; I often tell her the only way I can give her back what she has given me is to be the same kind of mother to mine. I am thankful to Graham’s mom for raising such a kind, wise, loving son. And I am thankful to God for trusting me enough to be a mommy to my Season and Grayson, obviously the best, smartest, most beautiful children on the planet! Lol

Pics from our Mexico Trip a year ago and be forewarned that the next post is really long, but I don't care.

My Miracle

A year ago this month my life changed. Something happened that I had been praying to happen for about ten years. God changed Graham's heart, not that he wasn't saved. (after all he was raised Baptist, lol) But we didn't really share the same vision for our family and our life in general. Graham's always been a good man; in fact, I know you cannot find another man with a bigger heart than him. And, I knew if he ever gave himself completely to the Lord that his passion for serving God would be contagious, inspiring, and unstoppable. And that's all I wanted! But the way I went about trying to get it was through nagging, demanding, manipulating, condemning, yeah, not pretty at all, and not at all the "Christian" way of inspiring change! I finally became desperate because I wanted us to be able share a serious love for the Lord together and I had cried out to God for it for so long and I just felt like it was never going to happen. I could not see with my human eyes how it could ever happen because Graham was perfectly content with our life. He did not see a need for change. I was nagging Graham one night about when he was ever going to go to church with me. God stopped me in my tracks. He said why are you asking Graham; he doesn't have the answers. He said delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. I thought okay, well that's nothing new. I mean we've heard that verse our whole lives, but did I really understand what it meant. So, I began to analyze it and realized that to delight in God means simply to make Him happy. And you know what that made me do? It made me look at myself rather than at Graham. I realized that I could only get what I wanted if I worked on me, and I needed a lot of work! I had to ask myself how am I making God happy? Is my constant nagging and condemning of Graham making Him happy? God could not change my situation if I was not willing to change and give Him my all. So, I began to focus on trying to make Him happy in everything I did. I had to ask myself how big is my God? How real do I think He is? I realized that He really was my everything and that yes he cared about how every area of my life affected Him, including what TV shows I watched, what books I read, and what music I listened to. Instead of getting angry with Graham I would smile and under my breath quote scripture about the fact that man's anger does not bring about a righteous life. Instead of complaining when he wanted to go somewhere besides where I wanted him to, I would smile and say okay have a great time! It was not easy. But, I began to put being a Godly wife above my own fleshly wants. I still messed up because I am just plain ugly sometimes unfortunately! I don't know how God puts up with me in fact. But I made an effort to truly delight myself in Him. I prayed for Graham instead of arguing with him. God made it clear to me that He would not change my situation if I continued to try to control it myself. He basically asked do you trust me enough to let me bear this burden. In January of 2006 we began having a lifegroup in our home. Graham would usually find somewhere else to be, lol. But unknowingly to him and me they had made it a goal of theirs to pray for Graham. Anyway, we very spur-of-the-moment planned a short little lifegroup mission trip to Mexico in May of last year. We thought maybe we can convince Graham to go, as we planned to put a swingset together for an orphanage over there and Graham likes to work with his hands and help people! So, surprisingly it worked. He decided to go and the rest is history. I still am in amazement at the change God has made in my husband's life, and how quickly can and will move if you let Him. Graham is amazed as well. Just last night he said it's so strange that when used to I would have fleshly thoughts, now I sing praise songs. Now, on Sunday mornings he teaches a preschool class instead of clearing brush at his dads. Now, he goes to church without me! Now, when we have lifegroup, he is not only there but excited to share with the others. Now, instead of talking to people about the weather, he talks to them about Jesus. God truly changed the desires of Graham's heart. He has a true passion for God. He knows without a doubt that God is real and He is powerful. And I just feel honored and humbled that God loved me enough to hear my prayers, demand my obedience, and deliver my desires. I am not capable with my words to explain how God moves or to express how thankful I am for all He means to my life. I stand in awe of Him and him!

Baggage and Tracks

Part of my volunteer job at the Pregnancy Center is being on the Abstinence speaking team in which I do a little skit/monologue. The skit(written, directed and starred in by me! lol) voices the thoughts of a bride walking down the aisle toward her groom. As she remembers various relationships she has had in her life, she picks up a piece of luggage that symbolizes the impact of that particular guy; by the time she gets to her groom she is so emotionally weighed down with "baggage" that she refuses to go through with the wedding. This made me think about the fact that each relationship we have in life, whether intimate or otherwise, has an impact on us as well as the other person involved. What kind of baggage am I leaving or have I left with other people? I can remember friends as far back as 2nd grade that have in some way left a piece of themselves or an impression of who they are with me. It makes me wonder what did I leave with them? Is it positive or has it caused some sort of deficit in their life? I think we should try our best to leave our best with people with whom we come in contact, especially as Christians, as we should be the "light" of the world. This is not always easy because sometimes it means swallowing our pride and keeping our mouth shut, or sacrificing our own wants for somebody elses. My new goal is to enhance whatever environment I am in; I want to be a reflection of Jesus, to be His hands and feet. I do not want to be a person who when she leaves everybody breathes a sigh of relief because I have been weighing others down with my baggage which can be in forms of criticalness, selfishness, or just a flat-out sorry attitude(which I am guilty of often). I want my friends and family to be glad I am there, you know "Yea Summer's here!" lol Most of the time this is much easier said than done because so often we are thinking only of ourself rather than how we are being perceived by others. We watched a play last night about the "tracks" we leave behind. Not only do I want to be able to look back and remember with fondness the tracks I left behind, but I also want others to look at me and my life and see the tracks of Jesus.

It ain't gonna burn long

I really want to post my first blog, but I really can't think of anything interesting or important enough that other people would actually want to read. And so I start to think am I really that boring? And then I think do I really want to share what is in my head, really? Because I mean, I have just used the word really like five times in three sentences and started sentences with and and because; and I am a former teacher of the English and that just would not fly in Mrs. Eudey's Sr. English class. I like to think I have an excuse though, since I do spend most of my hours with little people under the age of 4, and in their world it is okay to call more than one goose, a few gooses. Yeah, I said that yesterday and thought nothing of it. So, am I becoming desensitized or am I realizing what really matters in this world? And it ain't grammar, let me tell ya!
Most of my interesting thoughts or advice cannot be elaborated on enough to qualify as a blog. Such as, if someone gives you chapstick flavored like Red Hots, don't actually use it. Or, like, don't dump hot candle wax down the sink drain. Yeah, I did that. And my husband punished me by forcing me to use the Red Hot chapstick! So, what I'm trying to say is that I have this blog and I'm gonna use it. And sometimes it may not be pretty. But, like the chapstick it will only burn for a few days. Nothing a few hours in a cold freezer won't fix. And, yeah, like really!