I'm a College Drop-Out.

And I feel so free!

So, yeah, I dropped all of my classes today. Inner turmoil over attacking my first ten-page paper of the semester began plaguing me as soon as I read my syllabus. I couldn't bring myself to even attempt it because, sadly, I didn't freakin' want to. Yesterday, I finally confronted myself and analyzed the situation. I didn't want to be a quitter simply because graduate school was a challenge. I didn't want to be a quitter simply because sometimes I'm lazy and don't want to read a book about counseling ethics. So, I didn't want to give myself the easy way out. That's not how I roll. I quit because I want to be the best wife and mom I can (through Christ obviously) and I had to be honest that I couldn't continue to do that and also be successful at the student thing. I hate that I can't, but I honestly don't know how anybody else is able to do it either. Something or someone has to be compromised, just like it would if I had a job instead of staying at home. I know that God has given me a specific vision, but His timing is different than mine. I must rest easy in that and not try to do things in my own power. With constant due dates, I felt like I was walking around with a fog hanging over my head all of the time. I feel almost guilty saying that I quit simply because I did not want to deal with the stress of it anymore, as I know there are so many stressed-out people these days. But mine was self-induced. (so is a lot of other people's for that matter) Anyways, it's not fair to my kids for me to be in a bad mood because I'm dreading a paper. They are only this age for a vapor, and I want to enjoy them and for them to have memories of a peaceful home with a mom who loved her family without being constantly distracted. So, I am really excited about marking out all of the due dates in my calendar, and doing nothing but being momma and wife, and serving whomever God may put in my path.

God-Promise

Promise from God to my sister and anyone else suffering heartache and grief.......

HE WILL TURN YOUR MOURNING INTO DANCING

HE WILL TURN YOUR SORROW INTO JOY

This is how we overcome

Keep your eyes on Jesus.....This is how we overcome.

He is faithful and He is just. In Him there is always Hope.

Jesus says in John 16:33 (summer's version)"There will be pain in this life. But in me you can have peace. Relax. Be still. I have overcome the world."

This is how we overcome.

Psalm 30 is just awesome.....just so ya know.

The Year

My first thought upon being awakened this morning by a two-year-old screaming for juice was “Wow that was a whacked-out dream!” My next thought was “Why is the phrase whacked-out in my vocabulary my being a normal thirty-year-old white non-toking Christian woman?” But, seriously don’t you wonder where those strange dreams we have originate? You know, if there is any down time in Heaven, I will definitely be talking to Jesus about that topic. I’m sure He is very concerned with it. Anyway, yeah, deep thoughts.

Well, as 2008 has officially begun, I guess I will be like everybody else, ‘cause that’s the kind of person I am, and reflect on 2007. Mostly, for me, it was the year that I realized I am really for reals an adult. I mean I knew it before but now, there is no turning back.

*The year of the birthday: 30th birthday to be exact. I am 30--It is hard to say. I remember being a teen and thinking that 30 was soooo old, but I don’t feel old, I mean except when my knee catches when I try to get out of a chair and when I can’t run around the bases without pulling a muscle. Shut up I am not out of shape! But I’m cool with 30. I will still wear my cheesy saying t-shirts and printed socks. I will still say freakin’(and whacked-out) and I will still roll down hills and play headphones with my friends. But, because I am 30, I will not wear skirts above the knee or expose my stomach or dye my hair purple. And I will try to stop blowing bubbles when I chew gum and giggling at stupid jr. high jokes.

*The year of the anniversary: 10 years together. We’ve got this marriage thing down…it is my security, my safe place. We are in the same place finally, ready to look to the future whatever it may hold and willing to learn from each other and change the things that need to be changed. We get each other and the roles we have to fulfill in order to be successful in our marriage for years to come. Gag gag gag I know. Truth nonetheless. And we finally made a budget together. Ten years and finally we can talk about money lol

*The year of the school party: ugh…..school parties! Anyway, so Season started preschool this year and I have to be the mom and stand around with the other moms at the holiday parties. I don’t know why but that just brings me to the realization that both she and I are getting older and changing. I can only reflect now on her babyhood. So many more plateaus to come in the lives of my children. Am I ready? Are they ready? Am I doing everything I can each and every day to help them to become mature and responsible in Christ? And as they enter school and all the other things like t-ball, gymnastics, etc., I have to remember that is the goal. Not for them to be like the world, but for them to be like Christ.

*The year of the drop: I dropped one of my classes this past semester. It was pivotal for me because first of all I had never dropped a course before. And second of all because it was admitting I couldn’t do something I had set out to do or at least not as well as I wanted to. Again, I had to admit I was getting old, that I can’t stay up all night working on papers anymore. That college, and a master’s degree is no longer a top priority in my life as it was when I was younger. In working my brain to death, I was ignoring a dream I had already realized without even knowing I had the dream, and it has nothing to do with knowledge, degrees or dollars.

*The year of the purple: I painted my kitchen walls purple! Yea! And I still love it. For me, it wasn’t just about painting the walls. It was about making a decorating decision in my home all by myself without being influenced to do it the safe and acceptable way (or the way Graham would do it lol) And it made me so happy when it actually looked good! Or at least that’s what people tell me to my face. I have many more plans for paint on my walls now. And it is fun to know that my home can actually reflect who I am.

So, 2007 was a year of turning points. I am excited for 2008 as things continue to change. Obviously I have goals. And they all involve that dreaded discipline word that we all know I have problems with. I know that first and foremost I want to continue to strive to be what God wants me to be in everything ‘cause when I am 90 years old and I look back on my life, that's all that will matter.