I have the blahs….seriously. I’ve been in one of those moods where I don’t want to do anything, and I like it that way. I mean obviously my “good” side says “Uh, you know it ain’t right to sit on the couch all day watching The Next Food Network Star.” But my bad side says, “Come on, what does it hurt to be really lazy every once in a while. Why do you have to be the mom and keep everybody happy?” Am I the only one who ever feels this way? Honestly, I know it’s wrong. I feel so unproductive and even more blah when I do nothing. Though, in reality, I don’t ever just do nothing. Because, in the midst of my blahs, I’m still the mom. Like yesterday I did watch a lot of TV, but I still cooked breakfast, picked up the house twice, cleaned the toilet, clipped Season’s toenails, washed dishes, did laundry, and held Grayson most of the day because he did not feel well, spent some quality time with my man, and had a good talk with a friend. But, at the end of the day, I just felt lazy and worthless. And it’s not like I don’t know why. I just did a blog about it, right? Putting God first. And He totally was not yesterday. Why do I do that? And why does He continue to show His favor and mercy even when I am disobedient. I say disobedient simply because I know He is asking me to include a little discipline in my days. Discipline is difficult for a phlegmatic procrastinator like myself, as my mottos are mostly “Who cares.” and “Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow.” Really. Every Sunday I say okay tomorrow is the day I will begin to be disciplined. I’ve been saying that for like a year now. It’s not working. 6am rolls around and I decide to wait until tomorrow to be disciplined. I really really want to do it. But I really really don’t want to do it too. Lol I have a hard time being accountable to myself. Anyways, I thought I would blog about it in the attempt to make myself accountable somehow. Tomorrow. 6am. Give my day to God. Make Graham lunch and send him off with lovin‘. Prayer/bible time. Exercise. Plan something fun to do with the kids. Teach them something new. Talk to them about God. Drink only water. Eat no sugar. HAHa
If you read My Utmost for His Highest, read the one for Oct. 12. That’s my prayer. To walk with God in everything, not just the exceptional moments. To not give in because it is hard to fight my flesh now because eventually He will bring new vision and new purpose. You can read it here.
I also love The Message version of Romans 12:1-2, which speaks discipline to me. It’s my prayer as well for myself and you: “Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around-life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be charged from the inside out.” Wow! So go….add some discipline, do not fit in, be charged!
If you read My Utmost for His Highest, read the one for Oct. 12. That’s my prayer. To walk with God in everything, not just the exceptional moments. To not give in because it is hard to fight my flesh now because eventually He will bring new vision and new purpose. You can read it here.
I also love The Message version of Romans 12:1-2, which speaks discipline to me. It’s my prayer as well for myself and you: “Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around-life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be charged from the inside out.” Wow! So go….add some discipline, do not fit in, be charged!
2 shout outs:
Hey Summer Kim,
I am commenting finally on your last two posts. First of all I will say that I don't know your heart and you do so forgive me if none of this really applies to you. I have just been struck the last two times you have written by how hard you are on yourself. I think it is great to examine yourself and know where you are with the Lord. I also think it is important to know the God gives us rest and peace. All I mean by that is that right now in our lives as mothers of young children I think alot of our time is devoted to mundane tasks and it is easy to feel as if we are distracted from God. I think one of the best things I have ever been told as a mom is that right now our time with our children is exactly where God wants us and where he will reveal himself to us. I always feel guilty for not having long enough quiet times, or really singing at church because like you said I am distracted. There is a certain peace however in just recognizing that worship is in everything we do, and much of that right now in our lives is just in raising our children. There will be times where we feel we are not concentrating hard enough on the Lord, but I think in many ways that is an attack from the enemy to put it simply. We are mothers and that does take our time, but that is also our job and if we look at it the right way it is our worship. I don't know if this helps at all but it gives me great peace when I feel guilty.
Thanks Jonna for finally commenting. I have so been waiting in suspense for wisdom! And I'm not being sarcastic about the wisdom thing either. And yeah I understand what you mean about right now "mothering" is my worship to God. And I get that, but I also know there are many times that I become somewhat lax about it and don't do my best, and those are the times I feel guilty I guess. Maybe I am too hard on myself, but I also feel true conviction at times. Thanks for taking time for my blogger schmogger! I appreciate your good word.
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