All I need

We spent the weekend at a family reunion. Though it was enjoyable, and held at a beautiful “resort” on a lake and surrounded by mountains, it was a lot of work. But, I have come to learn that anything you do with toddlers is mostly work, even when it is fun. Amidst all the people (though honestly we spent very little time at the actual reunion), the horrible heat, dips in the pool, treks to and fro, I realized once again that I need only my kids and my man and my God to be fulfilled. Now, I want everyone else I love in my life, but as Graham told me this weekend, “ I want it to be you and me for the rest of my life.” And I feel the same…but I haven’t always felt so fulfilled by just “us.” When I didn’t, I thought it was anybody’s fault but my own. But, I was restless, unhappy, depressed, unfulfilled, not because of Graham, but because I was not pursuing God to make me happy. I was wanting Graham or my kids or whatever to make me happy. It's ironic that it all seems to come back to simply putting God first because it seems like such a simple statement. But it really is difficult to do because our nature is so self-driven. My mom always told us growing up that to whom much is given, much is expected (I think this is from the Bible, not sure and too lazy to go look it up). And the older I get the more I realize the truth of this. What it means to me is that if you know God, really know how real He is, know the track He has set before you, know the talent and gifts He has blessed you with, know the ugliness He has saved you from, and you still choose to serve Him halfheartedly, you will never, never be at peace and fulfilled. It is not possible. A guy we know who has an awesome God-given musical talent, you know the kind who can not only sing but also plays multiple instruments, is pursuing a career in the music industry and wanting to make money doing it, while leaving no room for God. I'd like to tell him it will never work that way, especially being that he was raised to seek God first. I don’t think God minds that we have passions other than Himself, after all He put them there. But, we have to pursue God first in order for our passions and anything else in our lives to be successful, while also feeling at peace with our life. I’ve always known this, was raised to know this, and I still didn’t really get it until a couple of years ago. You can serve God with a lukewarm passion, and everything else in your life will be lukewarm as well. Or you can choose to chase after God with a burning passion, and your life will overflow with peace and blessings. This doesn’t mean everything will be perfect, but that you will be able to find peace in spite of your surroundings. And that’s how I feel now. Not because my circumstances changed (though they have somewhat, but not instantly), but because my focus changed from pursuing what I want to giving my passion to God and seeing what He wanted to do with it. I mess up a lot. As soon as I begin to lose my peace, though, I know exactly why. I’ve lost my focus again…but God is so merciful. No matter what happens, if I’ve got my little family and my God, everything else will be okay. I know it sounds trite, but I also know it’s the truth.
Oh and I also realize that in typing what's in my head I may not have made sense and I've used the words peace and passion a lot, which is trite in itself. Oh well. lol

*Wanted to share a couple of links...one of pictures that my friend Jonna took of my kids. She did a great job, and I love the pics. Season and Grayson Also I finally bought a swimsuit. Here's a picture of it. It's hot! lol Summer's hot swimsuit