My Miracle

A year ago this month my life changed. Something happened that I had been praying to happen for about ten years. God changed Graham's heart, not that he wasn't saved. (after all he was raised Baptist, lol) But we didn't really share the same vision for our family and our life in general. Graham's always been a good man; in fact, I know you cannot find another man with a bigger heart than him. And, I knew if he ever gave himself completely to the Lord that his passion for serving God would be contagious, inspiring, and unstoppable. And that's all I wanted! But the way I went about trying to get it was through nagging, demanding, manipulating, condemning, yeah, not pretty at all, and not at all the "Christian" way of inspiring change! I finally became desperate because I wanted us to be able share a serious love for the Lord together and I had cried out to God for it for so long and I just felt like it was never going to happen. I could not see with my human eyes how it could ever happen because Graham was perfectly content with our life. He did not see a need for change. I was nagging Graham one night about when he was ever going to go to church with me. God stopped me in my tracks. He said why are you asking Graham; he doesn't have the answers. He said delight yourself in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. I thought okay, well that's nothing new. I mean we've heard that verse our whole lives, but did I really understand what it meant. So, I began to analyze it and realized that to delight in God means simply to make Him happy. And you know what that made me do? It made me look at myself rather than at Graham. I realized that I could only get what I wanted if I worked on me, and I needed a lot of work! I had to ask myself how am I making God happy? Is my constant nagging and condemning of Graham making Him happy? God could not change my situation if I was not willing to change and give Him my all. So, I began to focus on trying to make Him happy in everything I did. I had to ask myself how big is my God? How real do I think He is? I realized that He really was my everything and that yes he cared about how every area of my life affected Him, including what TV shows I watched, what books I read, and what music I listened to. Instead of getting angry with Graham I would smile and under my breath quote scripture about the fact that man's anger does not bring about a righteous life. Instead of complaining when he wanted to go somewhere besides where I wanted him to, I would smile and say okay have a great time! It was not easy. But, I began to put being a Godly wife above my own fleshly wants. I still messed up because I am just plain ugly sometimes unfortunately! I don't know how God puts up with me in fact. But I made an effort to truly delight myself in Him. I prayed for Graham instead of arguing with him. God made it clear to me that He would not change my situation if I continued to try to control it myself. He basically asked do you trust me enough to let me bear this burden. In January of 2006 we began having a lifegroup in our home. Graham would usually find somewhere else to be, lol. But unknowingly to him and me they had made it a goal of theirs to pray for Graham. Anyway, we very spur-of-the-moment planned a short little lifegroup mission trip to Mexico in May of last year. We thought maybe we can convince Graham to go, as we planned to put a swingset together for an orphanage over there and Graham likes to work with his hands and help people! So, surprisingly it worked. He decided to go and the rest is history. I still am in amazement at the change God has made in my husband's life, and how quickly can and will move if you let Him. Graham is amazed as well. Just last night he said it's so strange that when used to I would have fleshly thoughts, now I sing praise songs. Now, on Sunday mornings he teaches a preschool class instead of clearing brush at his dads. Now, he goes to church without me! Now, when we have lifegroup, he is not only there but excited to share with the others. Now, instead of talking to people about the weather, he talks to them about Jesus. God truly changed the desires of Graham's heart. He has a true passion for God. He knows without a doubt that God is real and He is powerful. And I just feel honored and humbled that God loved me enough to hear my prayers, demand my obedience, and deliver my desires. I am not capable with my words to explain how God moves or to express how thankful I am for all He means to my life. I stand in awe of Him and him!