Muddy Pond-erings :)

Grayson and his buddy Caleb on last day of school

Season's last day of school

One thing that I have learned from our first year of public school is that I do not want to go back to work (doesn't mean I won't in the future, but I don't want to nonetheless). I am able to be at the school whenever I'm needed or want to be or Season wants me to be there. I have no guilt whatsoever, and I never have to okay my leaving with anybody else. I would like to say I never feel rushed, but I do everything in a rush at the last minute. It's how I function. But, I very rarely feel stressed, overwhelmed, or pulled in too many directions. I feel peace. Are we busy? Probably not in comparison to most families. And we love it! But we have our weeks where we say okay we gotta slow down. And we do. We can. Because I don't have to go to work. I can be at home to "settle down" life and readjust the tone of our home. My husband (and me too for the most part) thrives on simplicity. Too much business goin' on and he is out. And in my opinion, most children are that way, too.
I am presently watching my kids swim in the muddy pond behind our house. No electronic devices, no fancy shmancy water slides, no money spent. Just give 'em a stick, a jumper cable, and a plastic sled, and they are completely joyous in it. I often struggle with wondering if I am doing God's will, or wondering how I can be absolutely purposeful for Him throughout my day. But at this moment--I know I am right where I'm supposed to be, doing exactly what He wants me to. Nothing else is competing for my time--no job, no prior commitments, no computer, no TV, no meaningless daily task--just my kids, my pen, my thoughts, and His awesome presence.

Brief Family Summary (in order to start this blog afresh)

Graham is presently enjoying work that requires no thought, only the sweat of his brow and his (awesome) manly muscles. He is daily learning to surrender control to God, in realization that his plans are nothing in light of our Creator. He finds much joy in Grayson being his constant shadow, in watching his little girl play ball, and in his wife keeping his house clean and dinner on his table :) He dislikes stupid television, reading any book other than the Bible, and clutter. He is busy creating various house plans, helping different people, and providing a wonderful life for his family. Summer is presently enjoying the daily tasks of being mom to her two quickly-growing children and wife to her man, and living a simple life. She is trying to learn to love like Jesus, increase productivity in day-to-day life, and to stop hesitating when God says to Move. She finds much joy in the silly things her kids do everyday, random kindnesses from friends and family, and truly feeling the presence of God. She dislikes going to Wal-Mart, not having a good book to read, and living in Texas in the summertime. She is busy trying to keep the floor clean, figuring out how to get things done with the least amount of effort (lol), and spending too much time on the computer! Season is presently enjoying being mommy to her babydoll Skylar, getting ready for dance recital, eating lunch with Aunt Mally at school everyday, and swimming in the muddy tank in the backyard. She is learning that life is not fair, sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, and to trust Mom, Dad, and God. She finds much joy in doing tricks on the trampoline, tagging out girls on the tball field, and Tuesdays with Granna and cousin Azlyn. She dislikes not getting what she wants, computer class, and getting poison ivy all the time. She is busy hording stuff in her bed, pretending to be her brother's teacher, and watching too much TV.
Grayson is presently enjoying everything he can to the fullest! He is learning to be patient, his ABC's, to spell his name, how to be a real man. He finds much joy in being with his daddy and pappy and his best bud Caleb, sharing affection with those he loves, talking very loudly, and in kicking the cat. He dislikes washing his hair, drinking water, not getting a prize at Wal-Mart, and being disciplined. He is busy cutting down trees with his loppers, getting as dirty as possible, making his family laugh, irritating his sister, and burning brush with his dad.

Control Issues? Yeah, you gnome.

Today I have the luxury of closing myself in my house, camping out in the living room in my pajamas, going outside only to feed our new kitty, Lizzie Bellie, and get the mail. Of course, I don't know how much of a luxury it really is being that I am being held here forcefully by a sweet, sickly regurgitating little man. Though I have issues with certain things being splattered on the walls, I don't mind at all when my boy curls up in my lap and falls fast asleep.

I didn't really choose to abstain from blogging for a whole month, but I haven't been able to "complete" any great thoughts. I don't want my blog to be a smathering of randomness all the time, but I think I am beginning to see a pattern in my life. Lots of beginnings with no endings. Too many great ideas that are not followed through. Too many projects initiated but never completed. I obviously have personality issues. It’s got to be an issue of fear. Fear that I can’t successfully finish at the standard I would like to. Or maybe I am just lazy (not driven some might say? Lol) Commitment issues maybe? Like if I commit to this then I won’t be able to do that. And I have to be able to be open to whatever comes my way. okay so sorry about that aside into my psyche. Actually, I'm not sorry. In fact, how 'bout a further peek? In my vegetative state today, I thought it might be fun to browse through my pictures. Here are a few that make me happy:

this is why I love my man

this is what appears if you give my girl a camera

it never hurt to put a little hope in gnomes.

Rose? Rose? is that you...no no it's just your man.

oh my hehehahhaha
okay so we actually got out of the house one more time. The boy started feeling better and insisted we ride his four-wheeler. As I was driving down one of the trails, I began to wonder if it was actually a trail at all. It was not very cleared out. There were a few rocks in the way, and branches hanging low. But just barely you could see the tire tracks right in front of you. I thought about how we wonder the same thing a lot of times as we seek God about our trail in life. We begin cruising along and then when it becomes a little rocky we question whether it's really the path. "Are you sure God? That doesn't look very clear to me. I really can't see where I'm going." I like to think that I am not a control freak, that I very easily submit myself to God's will. But that is soooo not true. I may not count calories, make to-do lists incessantly, or be pushy about getting my way, but I maintain control of my days in my own manipulative ways quite often. Having faith that He has your life in His hands, and then actually trusting Him to take care of it are two totally different concepts. Taking that leap into nothing, complete abandonment...it's something I am still pursuing. Something I don't think I have figured out yet. I am confronted by my "control" issues in my relationship with my husband. Through those stupid disagreements that I sometimes just can't let go of, through the times I don't want to submit to his wisdom as the head of our family. But I know that Biblically, submission to my man is submission to God. Being dependent is difficult for our self-sufficient, self-gratifying culture, which, yep, includes myself most of the time. True trust is refusing to say, "but God." It is a reckless flailing at His feet. As I was driving down that not so clear path on the four-wheeler, Grayson sat securely against me; no tension in his body, no fear on his face. Instead, he was full of joy and his hands were in his lap with no doubt that I knew exactly what I was doing.

Psalm 131:2 But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.

My Simple Life

So lately I have either felt like this.

Or slightly like this. either way life is good.

I fried up some steak and squash for my man and then had to go to my softball game where I was accused of smelling greasy and fried..... My spiritual lessons have come by way of softball as well. Let's just say, "A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor."Psalm 29:23

I recently went through my childhood collection of clowns and decided to part with a few, but had sooo much fun playing with them. I feel bad for you if you were not so blessed to see my clowns in their glory days. Strange as it seems, they still have some kind of power over me.

And my girl thinks she will be a hairdresser some day. She has a creative talent anyway. Check our pic link in the sidebar, to see the back of my hair which is just as interesting as the front.

The next couple of weeks will bring lots of first for us. Season's first day of kindergarten, Grayson's first day of preschool, my first church women's event as one of the "leaders," my first visit to the neurologist (hopefully the last as well). I think Graham, atleast, will do life as usual, but I know his mind and spirit are just bursting to build his own home for the first time! The barn we are to live in will be making its way to the land next month I believe. Yes, I said I'm gonna live in a barn. Graham's uncle cracked a joke about our kids acting like they were "raised in a barn." I'm praying the barn-raising will be short lived, but I'm ready for whatever changes come our way, whether they look as I think they should or not.

Parties, Progeny, & Prayer

Well, we had a good time yesterday. But then we do fratenize with some peculiar people, the likes of which are pictured below. I seriously wish everyday was a holiday and we could just hang out and play games and talk and eat while our kids ran around naked in the backyard creating water parks.


Ok, so I'm changing the subject. My girl is a graduate! What a stinkin' ordeal just to get outta preschool. Don't even get Graham started. But the kids had fun and felt special, and that was the point, I think? Season was a cutie in her poodle skirt, and I was quite proud of her for getting on the stage and actually "performing" for others. (One of my fears is that my children will be painfully shy, like my sister and I were.) I am both excited and nervous about "real" school starting. I know once she gets in the school groove, she will love it and be an awesome student, but I'm so going to miss her. Season and Bubba at her school party.

At graduation with her friend Kaydee

Dancing At the Hop

Season - class of 2021


Grayson told me that Jesus and God live in his belly button. And then he held his belly and said "OOOWWWWWW!" When I asked him what was wrong, he said, "God bites." hehehe so cute. He has also known for several months that he is having his birthday party (in July) at the swimming pool. He has terrorized the whole family and also random people at times talking about it. His favorite question as of late is "When my birthday be open?" And what an interesting ride is potty training a boy. We have peed so many places outside lately (And when I say we I mean Grayson with a little help from me), and I am beginning to think it might be slightly bad decorum. Yes, I think I have just made that decision, no more peeing outside unless it is in my own backyard, or the grandparents' backyard, or maybe a friend's backyard, and okay the ballpark, that's okay, right? Look, I am just happy that he is doing it.


Speaking of my children, I want to share some scripture that I have somewhat paraphrased to pray specifically for my children. Colossians 1:9-14 -
Since the day you were born we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. We pray this so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully give thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light for He has rescued you from the dominion of darkness and brought you into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom you have redemption Amen. I'm claiming it.

Highlights

Friday night dinner out with our Baker friends without our kids thanks to Granna and Pappy. Wow. We actually carried on a conversation for longer than ten minutes for the first time in like five years. We went to the River or the Peach Orchard, whatever you prefer to call it, which we decided must be the most Redneck place on the planet. None of us had been there in years (we frequented it often before kids) Anyway, it is now a no-smoking establishment, but the fish baskets are much smaller. I'm not sure if the two are related, but....oh and Christy and I were quite tempted by the pastel pink T-shirts they had for sale with their slogan on it. Just what my life has been missing, a Doug's Peach Orchard t-shirt. hmmmmmm. Good food and Good friends. The only negative to the night was that I broke a tooth while chomping on a hush puppy of all things!? What does that mean? I now have two broken teeth in my mouth, one on each side, makes for some interesting steak chewing.


Saturday my sisters dropped in and supplied pizza for lunch. Free pizza is always a blessing as is a few hours shared with my sisters even if we are doing absolutely nothing. I often feel disconnected from them because we are in different places in our lifes, but I wish I could express to them how much a part of me they are. Anyway, being with them makes me happy, even if my sister did get ticked at me the next day because I told her it was tacky because you could see her bra through her shirt. (in my defense she did ask for my opinion) It is tacky, isn't it? She said everyone knows you are wearing a bra anyway. Yeah, everyone knows you have boobs too, so why are we covering them up? lol So, I've had similar discussions with friends about pantylines. To thong or not to thong. lol Well this highlight got way off track.


Sunday after the usual teaching of the Sunday School to the preschoolers and awesome praise/worship service, we enjoyed a message preached by an evangelist. As he started his sermon, I wasn't really paying attention. I'm sure I was digging in my purse for a fingernail file. I knew he was rattling off Scripture, which is not unusual at all as we are sitting in a churchhouse. But my sister tapped me on the shoulder and said "Did you know he is not using a Bible?" So I sat there for another few minutes in astonishment. He never used a Bible the whole sermon, and he quoted chapter verse more Scripture than I've heard in months of sermons. Not only would he quote the particular Scripture, but he would also quote the Scripture it referenced if it did. And he was some kind of character. He is from Oklahoma, but at times he would use an English accent and at others he rolled his R's as if he were Hispanic. Quite entertaining, and if you could get past all that, he preached a great sermon. I mean I don't really remember what it was, but he was anointed nonetheless (is "anointed" just a word used by Pentecostals?...just wondering)

Monday is pick-up the house day, as is every day, but the house seems to be especially messy after the weekend. I reinstated the kids' daily Bible study and was surprised by how excited they were about it. They have reminded me that we have to do it each day since. Oh, and I was quite proud of myself for getting some sewing projects finished. And when I say project, I mean sewing buttons back on pants. I procrastinate things like that that I don't really want to do but always feel such relief in actually getting it done. And then I wonder why I didn't do the particular project so much earlier. Story of my life.

Tuesday is Grayson's favorite day of the week. We drop Season off at school and usually get donuts and piggies for breakfast. Later that morning it is time for the library program. I think he looks so forward to it because it is the first thing that he has done by himself without tagging along with Season. He asks every few hours every day, "We go to libary togam today and get backpack?" I love seeing him interacting with the other kids and participating without me forcing him to (which took a few weeks). Then we wasted some time at Wal-Mart until time to get Season. Looked at all the trucks in the toy section and when he asked for something I told him to tell Gran Gran he wanted for his birthday. His only prize was a King size Reese's, which worked out well for me too.

Wednesday lifegroup day. But before that the kids and I managed to make it to the park and have a McDonald's picnic. And it tired Grayson out and he thankfully came home and took a nap without a fight! Yea quiet time! I do love having lifegroup in our home. What a special thing it is to be surrounded by friends as we delve into His Word. And I told Graham tonight it is still so strange to hear him talking about God as he does. His excitement about what God has done in his life and continues to do has not ceased. He loves the Lord passionately and truly wants to share Him with the whole world. I am so proud of him. Definitely worth highlighting.

Happy Birthday to Jew!

This is the phrase I heard several times from my boy Sunday! So now I am a very mature 31. So surreal, but in a good way. I felt very special on my birthday, even though my man was sick. (he tried to pretend he wasn't, which really made him even more pitiful) I was blessed by several happy birthday phone calls and myspace wishes, see myspace is good for something...)as well as the always loved cards with money
Graham's mom blessed me with a great lunch complete with my favorites And I am so in love with my new perfume they gave me too
We finished our night as a family watching the finale of our new favorite show. Now I am a little torn about whether it is the best thing to be promoting, but we have had so much fun watching the kids impersonate the dadiators as Grayson calls them. Oh, and the Akins brought me a half-eaten cake. (It didn't look like this) which seems rude if you are unaware of the fact that the 17th was also Ty's birthday, and then it totally rocks. The next morning as I checked my email, I was shocked by a "postcard" from Mr. Jon Bon Jovi. Yes, I said Jon Bon Jovi. He literally rocks and so does my BFF Rose btw. So, I am totally excited about the concert and can't wait to see what other kind of freaks are Bon Jovi fans! I've got to freshen up on all his lyrics before April 14th so I can sing every word at the top of my lungs as I do the running man. Yeah, you know me. I have always wanted to go to a Bon Jovi concert, so this is a silly dream come true for me. I don't even listen to his music anymore, but I'll be there for you just did something for my life, lol. So thank you to my friends and family for making my day special! Love!

My little scary bear.



Mommy and Season Sunday morn.

The Best Part of Waking Up

I am laying on the couch after a day of doctor visits and shopping
for roller skates. Grayson piles on top of me with his blankie,
covering up both of us. He grabs my face and says, "Mommy you're
tute(i.e. cute). You my fweetheart!" Yes, yes I am forever and always.

Birthdays and Bliss

This past month has been busy and fun-filled for us. The first of November marked the tenth year of marriage for me and my man. Ten years of wedded bliss…I’m sorry but that phrase makes me laugh and wanna throw up all at the same time. Not that there haven’t been moments of bliss or as my favorite dictionary says moments of being on cloud nine or in seventh heaven. But I’m afraid too many people go into marriage with the idea that bliss will just overtake their life, when in reality marriage is about doing life--good, bad, and ugly-- side by side (or, okay, one tiny step behind your man if you want to get all Biblically-technical about it!) It’s about putting the person you love before yourself, accepting him unconditionally, and encouraging and supporting him. To me, it’s about putting him and our marriage in God’s hands and laying my selfishness at His feet. And I’ve only really learned this the last two years, and am still not perfect at putting it into practice. The first ten years were definitely a learning experience, but so worth the end result. Graham and I are happier than we’ve ever been, serving God together, and seeking to be what He wants us to be both individually and as a couple. Sorry if I am making you sick with our blissfulness….hehehe. Believe me, we annoy each other like crazy. Our personalities and ways of seeing things our pretty much opposite, so yeah, we definitely have our disagreements. Give and take. But, I am so excited about the future! We celebrated ten years with a ski trip to Colorado. Graham loves to ski and is pretty good at it. I, on the other hand, can ski but not so good. Fear seems to overtake me at the top of every mountain. Many parallels to life abound in skiing for me. Graham hits the top and doesn’t slow down ‘til he gets to the bottom. I tend to take it a little at a time, slowly but with a focus. (Which is seriously a much more painful way to ski, but I am skeered to go fast!) I don’t think our ways of skiing necessarily mirror the way we attack life, but, okay I’ll stop being deep. Anyway, we had fun skiing. The mountains are absolutely majestic! The air is crisp and clear and the pure white snow unmuddied by the world is heavenly. After finally finishing up a difficult semester of classes, my vacation was more about being able to relax, so I spent some time in the hotel room by myself and Graham got to ski the Blacks by himself. He met some interesting people on the lifts, of course. And I did nothing! Loved it. Driving home(15 hours I might add)was even fun, planning a financial budget for the year and singing to the radio (Chicago rocks), giving shout-outs to Quanah Parker and even Baby Jesus,lying in the middle of a courthouse lawn.


Season celebrated her fifth birthday on Dec. 2nd. So, ten years of marriage and five years of parenting….wow. Most of the time I feel like I’ve been doing both forever, but then sometimes I feel like such a novice, bumbling around trying to figure out how in the world to do it right. It’s a cliché, but I cannot believe my baby is 5! Though I thought it strange, she wanted a penguin party, and of course a sleepover. And because yes I am crazy, I let her invite ten friends and family to spend the night. I think they all had fun, and it really wasn’t that difficult, except at bedtime. It took two hours to finally get all of them to sleep at the same time. I kept imagining that they were really all mine, which was a scary thought at first. But then I thought about all of the help I would have if I trained ‘em up just right. If I had ten kids, after about five years, I could just sit on the couch all day while the older ones took care of everything. Yep, it would be great. Tunnel vision. Anyway, Graham of course came up with the entertainment, a scavenger hunt and air mattress gymnastics. He is a fun daddy.

At the present, we are trying to potty train Grayson. He and Graham have actually been in the bathroom for about an hour. Apparently things are not coming out so well. But, Graham was so excited today. He has been working for TxDot for ten years and was recognized today for his service. Here he is pictured with his colossal award.
Obviously he has been an excellent employee.


Aren't you glad that we will ultimately recieve our just rewards in heaven?

Saturday afternoon.

Saturday we pulled out the paints and had some fun. Thought I'd share our final products...


I call this uh.."Saturday afternoon." I know, I know
the pure creative genius of each stroke is overwhelming.


Grayson loves to paint, or uh dump out paint....


all over himself. It looks tragic, huh.
He enjoyed washing it all off with the waterhose, too.


My big girl. She calls the one on the left "Big Dipper"
and the one on the right "Pool." I love how she really
thinks about what she is painting, and explained each painting
to me as she did it.



This has nothing to do with anything, but if you are a lover of the words as I am, you will so enjoy this cool dictionary. Try it. It's fun. Yes, dictionaries can be fun!

It ends well.

I can only think randomly as of late, too much swimming inside my head to really focus on one thing. That’s why it’s been a whole month since my last post! So, I thought I would make a “random” list so maybe you can really get an idea of what it’s like to live inside my head. Scary thought, huh? I think that is how I cope, don’t focus on anything for too long so as to not get lost in it. I think that’s why school has been so difficult for me lately. Writing 10-page papers takes focus, and it’s just something that my lazy self does not want to do right now. So in honor of my thought process, a random list.

1. I am so hacked off at people who see the need to display a life-size Freddy Krueger in their yard. Is that entirely necessary? Especially when I know these people have children under the age of ten. Is that really what you want in their heads? I know it’s Halloween or whatever, but making a graveyard in your front yard? Why is that acceptable? I don’t have a problem with letting my kids participate in Halloween through dress-up, trick-or-treating, or the carnivals that abound during that time, but when I have to drive by a stinkin’ Freddy Kreuger waving at me everyday just to get home, that I have a problem with. And I don’t even live on Elm Street!

2. My boy is the cutest, orneriest, sweetest, silliest person I know. I love him! But he is really good at driving me bananas, and I think he knows it already. In fact I think he intentionally walks around the house and takes inventory, noting things that he can destroy, spread all over the house, or lather all over himself when I’m not looking for a few minutes. I think he is constantly making mental notes to himself like “ok, if I drag that chair over here in front of the sink, I can then reach the faucet. I can turn the water on and fill up the cups and then dump it in the floor! Mom will love that!” Tuesday as I was trying to get ready to go to the Pregnancy Center, he had toilet papered his whole room, taken the hand soap from the bathroom and slathered it in his hair, and gathered a stack of DVD’s to take “bye bye.“ Then just for good measure he dumped out his block, legos, and a jar of buttons that he found somewhere. He has so much fun! When we go to Wal-Mart or “Mal-Nart” as he calls it, he yells, very passionately, the name of each item he knows. “Fish!” “Cereal!” “Juice!” He is just such a boy. Something I know very little about. It is such an exciting challenge though. The other night he was coughing a lot, wasn’t sleeping well. I went to his room, asked him if he was okay, patted his head, gave him a kiss. He said, “Thanks Mommy.” The next morning he climbed under the covers with me and snuggled up. Out of the blue he says, “Mommy I love jew(you)” And then struggled to get his arms out of the covers, spread ‘em out, and say, “This much.” Man, little boys know just how to love (and terrorize) their mommies!


3. I am so excited for my friends, the Tefertillers, who leave Saturday for Africa. Keep them in your prayers as they strive to follow God’s lead and share His love outside of the U.S. I so admire their passion for and obedience to our God. Good people, and I love ‘em! I just have this feeling that God is about to reveal how real He is to new people everywhere, from here to Africa! Really! I can literally feel a churning! That sounds so stupid I know, but I’m just excited! Now you may not be able to see it outwardly (that’s not my style lol) but WOW! HE IS SO REAL! Get ready! We had a little party for the T’s last night, and as our awesome friend Terrie read Revelations 9-10 After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: "Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb." I was so moved as I envisioned that scene. Think about it. I so want to be there, don’t you?


Well, I had a lot more randomness goin' on, but thinking about Jesus and worshipping Him in our home in Heaven kind of rids your mind of all the clutter.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth
Psalm 57:5

Lappin' it up...

Well, this may be my last post for a while as my school just started up again. And from my perspective it is hard core. This is my third semester. My third semester to look at all those assignments and feel like I'm drowning while I think “How will I ever get all that completed?” I do honestly love being a student, but I don’t love feeling pressured by due dates! And trying to figure out how and when it will all get done. I do not want to get straight A's but be a bad mom and wife, so I struggle to keep my head above water every semester. And I know, I know, I signed up for this. I am paying for this! Why? Because I know God has some kind of plan He is working on up there. And when I was seeking whether He really wanted me to do this or not, I was like, uh, God don’t you know this is going to be hard, take time, money, etc. blah blah blah. He was like, uh, what? Do you think I’m only supposed to ask you to do easy things? How do you think Moses felt or Abraham, or you know, what about my son Jesus? Ok Ok I get you God. Sometimes we have to Do Hard Things, right girls? (lol) And as I complain, I know that in the big scheme of things being a grad student is really no big deal. But it is still my reality at this point in my life and this is my blog so there you go. So needless to say, on average for the next three months I have about two 8 page papers due per week, along with two tests. And that’s only nine hours people. It is a real challenge for me, one I am incapable of completing without God.

I did something else hard this week, too. I lived through a softball game in which we lost 30-5. It was horrible! It really was my definition of hell on earth. My team could not do much of anything right. I was completely miserable and helpless standing at first base. The only way it could have been worse is if it were a few degrees hotter…..and I was naked. Seriously! Torture.

My Season went to her first day of preschool yesterday. I really don’t know what happened while she was there, except that they had popcorn for snack and she played in the dirt. But when I picked her up she was smiling. That’s good right? Lol. She really did have a good time and is ready to go back. I’m excited that she’s excited. She also had gymnastics yesterday. It was the most hilariously adorable thing I’ve ever seen, and she loved every minute of it. This season of her life is just a lot of fun. She is learning so much so quickly, and I admire the joy she finds in the simple things. I love being her mommy.

So, I am about to listen to a lecture online. That is the truth of my life. It is such an exciting one...sitting on my couch wearing headphones with my laptop... in my lap hehe

Who do you say I am?

I have often said that I don’t care what people think of me, that whether you like me or not matters little to me. I am just who I am and am not willing to change to make you like me. And though it is still mostly how I feel, I realize now that it may not always be Christ-like to think like this. Growing up and still to this day, I have had people tell me that they didn’t think I liked them, or that they didn’t like me until they really got to know me, that they thought I was a "snob." I am quiet, reserved, shy, introverted, all those stinkin’ words that I have come to hate, but that’s who I am. That is how God made me I guess. So, am I responsible for other people’s perceptions of me? Can I help the judgments people form of me before they ever know me? Unfortunately, whether I like it or not, I believe the responsibility is mostly mine. This is a hard truth for me because I really am oblivious to others around me for the most part. (not to their needs, but to their perceptions of me. I want to be a servant, I just don't want to be concerned with people I am unaware of forming opinions of me) I just do my thang and don’t really think about much else, until it’s over. Then I might look back and think hmmmm I wonder what so and so thinks about me. But then I think who cares and move on. Honestly, and until recently I didn’t really realize that everybody was not like that.

But, I feel awkward making small talk with people, so a lot of times I just say nothing. I hate forced conversations. But, I really do envy that quality in people to make those around them feel comfortable. My husband is so good at that. I just feel stupid when I open my mouth to talk to somebody I don’t know that well. I really do desire to be more approachable, though. I desire to be a reflection of the joy I feel in my heart. I want all people to see Jesus in me, not just the people I know well. I want strangers to feel secure in my presence and not wonder whether I like them or not. In order to do this I have to embody the fruits of the spirit. People should see love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control when they look at me. I don’t think that is expecting too much of myself. It may be difficult to overcome my weaknesses. In fact, it will be impossible without Jesus working through me, without my obedience to walk in the spirit. I must step out when He says to step out. I don’t have to be something I’m not, but I must be the me He created me to be. And I don’t think he created me to use my weaknesses as excuses or crutches. I think He gave me weaknesses so that He could show His awesome strength in my life.

So, I really don’t care what people think of me. But I do care what God thinks of me.

Covered Up in Kids!