Muddy Pond-erings :)

Grayson and his buddy Caleb on last day of school

Season's last day of school

One thing that I have learned from our first year of public school is that I do not want to go back to work (doesn't mean I won't in the future, but I don't want to nonetheless). I am able to be at the school whenever I'm needed or want to be or Season wants me to be there. I have no guilt whatsoever, and I never have to okay my leaving with anybody else. I would like to say I never feel rushed, but I do everything in a rush at the last minute. It's how I function. But, I very rarely feel stressed, overwhelmed, or pulled in too many directions. I feel peace. Are we busy? Probably not in comparison to most families. And we love it! But we have our weeks where we say okay we gotta slow down. And we do. We can. Because I don't have to go to work. I can be at home to "settle down" life and readjust the tone of our home. My husband (and me too for the most part) thrives on simplicity. Too much business goin' on and he is out. And in my opinion, most children are that way, too.
I am presently watching my kids swim in the muddy pond behind our house. No electronic devices, no fancy shmancy water slides, no money spent. Just give 'em a stick, a jumper cable, and a plastic sled, and they are completely joyous in it. I often struggle with wondering if I am doing God's will, or wondering how I can be absolutely purposeful for Him throughout my day. But at this moment--I know I am right where I'm supposed to be, doing exactly what He wants me to. Nothing else is competing for my time--no job, no prior commitments, no computer, no TV, no meaningless daily task--just my kids, my pen, my thoughts, and His awesome presence.

Rip-Off

If the make-shift carnival rolls into town, DO NOT take your children, no matter how pathetically your 3-year-old begs you. If you are blinded by the bright lights that shine amidst the carny stereotypes, you will be forced to pay three (freakin') dollars per ride. If you make the mistake of buying tickets (no refunds mind you) even after you realize there are only like four other carnival-goers there, your children will not ride the roller coaster or the spinny thingy as they manuever at speeds that should be outlawed for riders under 42 inches. If your daughter refuses to ride anything, you will resort to force, threatening her to either ride the slide or not be able to play a game so she can win a prize. If you pay ten dollars for the tickets under the guise that you can use the tickets to throw darts at balloons as well, you will be disappointingly aggravated and want to grab the carny by the throat and shove the tickets down her throat. Er, I mean smile sweetly and pull the five out of your pocket so your screaming kids can shove a dart into a balloon. And if you do that, your son will win the thrill of choosing either a 1-inch stuffed heart or a black rose as his prize. If you begin to feel the carnival germs seeping into your pores after less than ten minutes, you will drag your children back to the car saying "you better be thankful you got to come at all!" If your daughter taunts your son telling him a heart is a girl prize, your son will step out of the car and throw it on the ground declaring "Hearts are stupid!" If your husband is waiting for you when you get home, be warned he will not be sympathetic to your tale but will laugh mockingly and say "I told you so."

God gives...

Do you ever look at your kids? No, I mean really stop and breathe in every ounce of who God made them. Why do we get so busy that we forget to do this? I'm with mine pretty much 24/7, and I "overlook" them all of the time in lieu of homework, cleaning up, and general unimportant details. I don't want to. I want every day to be a day of standing in awe of what God has given me. My children's beauty and being often catches me off guard. It humbles me. Tucking Grayson in the other night I stared at him for the longest, telling him what a miracle he was. He kissed me as tears rolled down my face in thankfulness for what I do not deserve. It's as if God has to grab me by the shoulders sometimes and shake me and say "LOOK! They are what really matters in this life! Mother them as if you are mothering me!" If I was born for nothing else, I was born to be their mom and to be a wife to Graham. God has given me other things to "do," other people to love, but He always bring me back to Himself and then my little family for true contentment and joy. And that's what this week has been to me...a time of refreshing with my family. Graham was able to take off of work a few days, and we just hung out as a family. We had a picnic and silly fun at the park(some pics in sidebar). Friday we took Season to see the Bee Movie. Saturday the girls stayed busy at home, while the men did "men" things, you know burn stuff and build stuff. Graham and I even got to watch both of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies after the kids went to bed, and we finally booked a small vacation for our tenth anniversary.
This life bring ups and downs physically, emotionally, circumstantially. I do not want to take this "up" for granted. Because the truth is, it could all come crashing down tomorrow. This life is a vapor, as my husband often reminds me. And our God is no respecter of persons. Sorry, I don't intend to be a Debbie Downer, as my sister calls me, just a realist. So, yeah, I am thankful and overwhelmed by His blessings.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17

Easily distracted

Lately I have found it difficult to concentrate during church. My mind is constantly wandering, my eyes roaming the crowd. Not to mention my ears focusing on “Mommy, I need a pen,” or “I want gum.” My arms are full of a two-year-old who will not be still or quiet. During one recent service he yelled “Go bye bye” right when the music stopped, seeming to echo my fleshly thoughts! Today our pew is crowded with a couple of extra kids, adding to my distractibility. I gave away my last piece of gum, which led to Grayson digging in my purse for more and coming up empty-handed and mad. A few tic-tacs sufficed him for a minute, but then he remembered what he really wanted was gum. Daddy had to take him out of the service for a few minutes. We try to be kind to the nursery worker and not take him to the nursery until the pastor begins his message. Sometimes it works. Anyways, during the few minutes that my arms are free, they are too busy adjusting my shirt or “fixing” my hair to really praise Jesus. Then I catch myself looking at another woman and judging her clothing choice and think “What am I doing?” Why do I make it so difficult to get in the presence of my King? How often do we do this? I mean God is always there. We are the ones who create the barriers that exist between Him and ourselves. Sometimes it’s almost as if we see Him coming and intentionally throw up a wall. Or at least I know that’s how I feel. You know like “God I don’t want to get too close. You might ask me to do something I don’t want to do.” In the past few years I have found that, yes, He does ask me to do things I don’t necessarily want to do at first. But, after it’s done I always stand amazed at how what I didn’t want to do becomes part of who I am. God knows our hearts better than we do. But, Sunday mornings are tough, though always worth it. And just when I begin to feel sorry for myself for what I am having to endure in order to pursue the presence of God, I am reminded of what Jesus did for me, what He did to be in the presence of God. And for a minute I forget about myself and wish I could stay there forever. Is there anyone who has found it possible to maintain being in His presence? The praise team sang this song at church today. It is one of my favs. Newsboys – You Are My King (Amazing Love)

I'm forgiven, because you were forsaken
I’m accepted you were condemned
And I’m alive and well your sprit is within me
Because you died and rose again

Amazing Love how can it be
That you my king would die for me
Amazing Love I know its true
Its my joy to honor you (in all I do I honor you)


This is Season's new favorite pose to strike! I think it's so funny....she even said she can pray underwater. But she said,"Mommy, I only had time to say Thank you Jesus."
Easily entertained all day long by fun in a box! Score for Mommy!

I have the blahs….seriously. I’ve been in one of those moods where I don’t want to do anything, and I like it that way. I mean obviously my “good” side says “Uh, you know it ain’t right to sit on the couch all day watching The Next Food Network Star.” But my bad side says, “Come on, what does it hurt to be really lazy every once in a while. Why do you have to be the mom and keep everybody happy?” Am I the only one who ever feels this way? Honestly, I know it’s wrong. I feel so unproductive and even more blah when I do nothing. Though, in reality, I don’t ever just do nothing. Because, in the midst of my blahs, I’m still the mom. Like yesterday I did watch a lot of TV, but I still cooked breakfast, picked up the house twice, cleaned the toilet, clipped Season’s toenails, washed dishes, did laundry, and held Grayson most of the day because he did not feel well, spent some quality time with my man, and had a good talk with a friend. But, at the end of the day, I just felt lazy and worthless. And it’s not like I don’t know why. I just did a blog about it, right? Putting God first. And He totally was not yesterday. Why do I do that? And why does He continue to show His favor and mercy even when I am disobedient. I say disobedient simply because I know He is asking me to include a little discipline in my days. Discipline is difficult for a phlegmatic procrastinator like myself, as my mottos are mostly “Who cares.” and “Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow.” Really. Every Sunday I say okay tomorrow is the day I will begin to be disciplined. I’ve been saying that for like a year now. It’s not working. 6am rolls around and I decide to wait until tomorrow to be disciplined. I really really want to do it. But I really really don’t want to do it too. Lol I have a hard time being accountable to myself. Anyways, I thought I would blog about it in the attempt to make myself accountable somehow. Tomorrow. 6am. Give my day to God. Make Graham lunch and send him off with lovin‘. Prayer/bible time. Exercise. Plan something fun to do with the kids. Teach them something new. Talk to them about God. Drink only water. Eat no sugar. HAHa
If you read My Utmost for His Highest, read the one for Oct. 12. That’s my prayer. To walk with God in everything, not just the exceptional moments. To not give in because it is hard to fight my flesh now because eventually He will bring new vision and new purpose. You can read it here.
I also love The Message version of Romans 12:1-2, which speaks discipline to me. It’s my prayer as well for myself and you: “Take your everyday, ordinary life--your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around-life--and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be charged from the inside out.” Wow! So go….add some discipline, do not fit in, be charged!

Lessons Learned

Two years ago this week we were in the hospital with our boy. Grayson was born on the 1st, also Graham's birthday, and then we had to stay three more nights because they were concerned with his breathing. So, we came home with our son on July 4th, 2005, oblivious to the changes this tiny little person could bring into our lives. I made the decision to just be mom after he was born, and that was a definite step of faith for us being that it would cut our income in half and could possibly drive me insane. But I really knew it was what God wanted me to do, whether it would be easy or not. Since then my life has been completely blessed, and I have learned so much about God. So, thought I would share a few. Because I can lol.

1. I can’t do it all. But, God can. He is strong when I am weak. God won't work until I give up. Completely. He doesn’t even want my suggestions. He will not control a situation that I am already controlling myself. And even though giving up is freeing, it doesn’t mean you stop doing. Even when you are overwhelmed , you just keep on doing your best, and God takes care of everything else. And once you get to the end of whatever obstacle is in the way at the time, you look back and think, “How did I do that?” Oh yeah, I didn’t. God did.

2.Faith really can move mountains. And the Bible says faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. When I put that truth into practice in my life, it works. If something in life is not working, find scriptures on that topic. Write them down, put it where you can see it. Speak them aloud. And don’t speak the opposite. Our words are so powerful. Speak only God’s truth. You will see miracles.

3. God wants a relationship with us. I think you can maybe make it to heaven just by “believing” in him, but I truly believe He wants us to pursue a relationship with him just like we would any other person we love. I mean Graham and I can be married and live in the same house and never really get to know each other any better and still be married. But if we pursue each other, we begin to really know each other and fall even more in love. That’s how we should be with God, too. The closer we draw to Him, the closer He draws to us. If he is truly your best friend, then treat Him that way. Make an effort to know Him, and you’ll be surprised at the difference it will make in your life.

4.Sin is gradually destructive. It’s like that person who smokes “only when she drinks,” or “only when she’s stressed.” Until eventually she’s built up an immunity/addiction and smokes a pack a week then a pack every other day. That’s how sin makes it’s way into our lives. It’s a small disruption at first, seemingly harmless, until finally it has hold on your life so big that you’ve become someone unrecognizable. The devil is a sneaky snake.

5.I think God loves to give us the desires of our heart, that is if our desires are in line with His will. Just like I love to make my children smile, I think He is the same. But, if my kids are being snots then forget it. And I think God feels likewise. Of course I think we have to make an effort to “delight” in Him, and then get ready.

6.Being a Christian is not about rules and regulations. Being a Christian is about loving Christ. Legalism sucks. But when you love Him, there are certain things you do or don’t do because you love Him. Read His Word, talk to Him, and find our what those are. Don’t let someone else do it for you. Love Him so much that you want to please Him, and you will find freedom.

Have you learned anything lately? Share.

Eudey life

I have nothing inspirational about which to blog, just life in general that we daily take for granted. After all the Bible says that life is a vapor, and we let it pass as if it will never end. I can’t fathom life as a vapor, especially on those days when I change dirty diaper after dirty diaper, break up numerous “fights,” cook dinner only to have it turn out like crap, literally, and well, you know what I mean. But most of the time, life is good, and those are the things that give my day, ummm, flavor, let‘s say. And I thank God for His goodness, but I still feel humbled and undeserving.
This week has been full of swimming. We were blessed with a pool, and my Season has absolutely enjoyed herself in a degree to which only a child can muster. Her joy has been contagious, as I found myself inside the pool in a swimsuit (gasp!) actually splashing around and having a good ole time. In fact, Graham and I actually jumped in one night sans, uh….kids. It’s been fun and relaxing, and now I never want to experience another summer without a pool!
On Tuesday my sister and I took our kids, along with my niece, to the Dallas Zoo. The trip left me wondering if outings as such are really worth the effort. I mean with the semi-long road trip, the heat, the money, the complaining kids, the stinky rhinos, the spilled drink in a nice restaurant…. But the looks on the kids faces as they see or experience something new, or scary, or just plain strange is, as they say, priceless. They created memories, and I love playing a part in that. Grayson’s favorite animal was the giraffe, so cute to hear him say it. But, overall, I think the favorite was the monkeys, of course. Wow, they are so human-like it’s scary. And I gained a new appreciation for the lion as I stared at him/her thinking that Jesus is called the Lion of Judah. What an awesome visual. The lion sitting in the cage was so beautiful and peaceful. My sister even said she just wanted to crawl in there and cuddle with it. And I agreed, especially as I was picturing Jesus. But, as we looked at it’s paws and teeth, it’s power was obvious. And did you know a liger is a for real animal? I thought it was something Napolean just created, but no completely fo’ real.

Azlyn, Season, Grayson, Addi

Later that night, the girls had a t-ball game that was much less than exciting. They are so cute, but if you are looking for a competitive display of skills, it ain’t gonna happen. In fact, the most competitive part of the whole game is when it’s over, and both teams race to the sno-cone stand. We did get our long anticipated t-ball pictures, though, the outcome of which is a whole other story. I say our because I am in the picture with Season. She absolutely refused to pose, and I thought maybe if I was in it with her she would smile, but no. I think I am smiling big enough for the both of us. The things we do for our children.

Did I mention how much I love the pool? Mostly because now I have an excuse to just sit and do nothing, or I mean, uh, watch the kids.

Yo' Momma

1. "There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep."-- Ralph Waldo Emerson Yes, it’s true. We all breathe a sigh of relief, a prayer of thanksgiving when our little ones finally fall asleep. In fact, I have found myself alone in the living room doing the touchdown symbol when they are both out at the same time in the middle of the day. And on those tough days, I might even do a little celebration dance in the end zone. I mean I love love love my babies, but when you’re a stay-at-home mom, a break is well warranted and needed….for the children’s sake. Lol
2. "Mothers are all slightly insane." ~ J.D. Salinger Hahahaha….how many times have I admitted to being insane this year? You know being a mom who thinks she can do so many things at one time can do that to you, and for some reason, we all think we can. And you know what, the truth is we normally can. But in the midst of the whirlwind that is cooking the dinner, sweeping the floor, teaching the children, reading the Bible, folding the laundry, planning the party, pursuing our own interests, keeping the man happy, all with a pearly white smile and within the same hour of course, well it feels like complete insanity, kind of like childbirth without drugs I’m sure. But once that whirlwind of activity is over, just like childbirth, you sit back and think “Wow, I did that.” Though, not without a little help from my Lord. And we are all ready to do it again, forgetting the overwhelming parts, and only remembering the positive outcomes, which is insane in itself. But, if I try to take a break for like a day, or even an hour, well it just is not copasetic. And so the insanity continues.
3. It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”- The Golden Girls Sorry, but you know it’s funny. Thank God for creating us both, because when it comes to doing certain things, like declogging the toilet or killing the mice and snakes, I am so thankful I am a woman. Just as my husband is thankful he is not at home being mommy 24/7. (Though for the record if any man had to do it, mine could get it done, and get it done well!)
4. The lullaby is the spell whereby the mother attempts to transform herself back from an ogre to a saint. I am so sad that my babies are already over the whole getting rocked to sleep thing. I never felt more in tune with God than when I was holding my baby, singing to them while rocking them to sleep. It’s makes the whole hectic day worth it to have this beautiful baby completely dependent on you wrapped in your arms wanting to be nowhere but right where he is. That’s when I learned that is exactly how God wants us to be with Him. We are His children. He loves us more than we can even imagine loving our babies. He wants us to climb up in His arms and completely depend on Him. Wow!
5. “A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home.” -Chinese proverb This is one that means more to me all the time. This is my home. I am the woman of this home. I create the atmosphere of this home. If I want a happy, peaceful home, I must be a happy, peaceful mom. How do I get this done? By resting in the arms of my Father!
So, on my fifth mother’s day, I am so thankful to my own prayer-warrior mother for showing me exactly what a mother is; I often tell her the only way I can give her back what she has given me is to be the same kind of mother to mine. I am thankful to Graham’s mom for raising such a kind, wise, loving son. And I am thankful to God for trusting me enough to be a mommy to my Season and Grayson, obviously the best, smartest, most beautiful children on the planet! Lol