Living and Active

Isaiah 40:28-31

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

The Truth. My Life Sustained. Scriptures that I've heard since before I could read them for myself. How is it that they continue to give me encouragement and strength? How is that His Word continues to convict and break my heart? I've always questioned how. "Child-like faith" has never come easily to me. Luckily the Lord totally gets my skepticism and accepts me just the same. He teaches me to be at peace with questions that have no earthly answer. So, we Continue to hope in the Lord. Continue to Run. Because, Hello? Don't you know? Haven't you heard? My God is everlasting. He doesn't grow tired of me. My weak faith does not make Him weary. He is totally cool with the fact that I can't begin to fathom His understanding.

Thank you God for daily Renewal.

A New Knowing

Who knew a new year would bring so much change? "Not I," said the sickeningly happily married thirty-something mom of two, living contently in a pint-sized Skamper camper that is appropriately decorated inside and out with the shade of dirt. Or is it poop? And did I say contently?
So all the change creates many post-worthy blogs (in my mind atleast), but not really blog-worthy time slots in my schedule as of yet. A month after selling our house and moving everything we own into a still-not-ready-to-live-in quonset barn, whilst we make the Skamper home and bum showers and laundry appliances (and Christmas trees) from sweet family, we are finally beginning to create a new normal for the little Eudey family. Each of us is being stretched, learning lots, digging deep for patience, and holding on to the "light at the end of the tunnel," (as one friend so aptly suggested should be the theme song of the quonset phase of our project.) Of course, the only one of us workin' his buns off is my man. Can I just say that he is awesome? I mean he is putting a roof over my head with his own two hands.
Though the changes have made us closer as a family, both literally and figuratively, my God-time has suffered. Thankfully, His grace and strength are sufficient. I actually did read my Bible Sunday morning (though I skipped church), and found my scripture for the new year. Joel 2:13
says "Rend your heart..." I like that word "rend." It means to tear or split apart. Rend my heart from the world, from my flesh and give it wholly and completely to Him; not just "rend my garments" so others will see and think I'm so "Christian", but to daily with purpose and repentance be broken before my God knowing the mercy and kindness He extends toward inadequate, sinful me. That's my resolution. Change and Rend. Rend and Change.

Sum Favorites.

1. My new fav TV preacher, Pastor Andy. He is fo' real. Most of the stuff I have heard has been on marriage and relationships. He is hilarious, but tells the Truth.

2. The Lord Reigns My fav praise song of the moment. I love jammin' when I clean house, just so ya know.

3. The mothering moments I have enjoyed the most lately are when Season is being an artist (I think she is quite good), and Grayson is trying to find Waldo. Definite Christmas gifts.

4. Frank Peretti books have overtaken my life lately. If I start a book I like, it supercedes everything else. Not good when you are 13 and your mom wants you to fold the clothes (She actually grounded me from books!), or when you are 31 and you need to get in bed in order to function as mom the next morning.

5. I subscribed to a (free) 30-day True Woman makeover at Revive our Hearts (I know...like I need it lol). Anyway, I have really enjoyed the teaching. And you can choose to read the daily radio program instead of listen, which is helpful for this visual learner... It's some good stuff that I wish Christian women could truly get and live their lives in light of. (oh, I hate ending a sentence with a preposition, but I'm gonna do it anyway)

6. Cooking and Baking have become more fun lately. I want to be good at it, but I still have lots to learn. I like allrecipes.com because you can read reviews from other people and search for pretty much anything. Pioneer Woman is always inspiring of course and she also enlightened me to Bakerella. I can't wait to try some of that fun stuff!

7. My Rocket Dogs still rockit as far as I am concerned. I could use a new pair, but they def. define who I am if ya know what I mean. They are my go-to shoes.

8. Graham and I went out this weekend for our anniversary. We had fun just being together, but mostly he just followed me around while I shopped. I am blessed with a good man. He's my fav. But my favorite find of the weekend was two spiderman masks at Hot Topic, a store I would not dare dark the doors of had the masks not caught my eye. I was so proud of them 'cause they were like 90% off. Cheap is my fav too.

Rip-Off

If the make-shift carnival rolls into town, DO NOT take your children, no matter how pathetically your 3-year-old begs you. If you are blinded by the bright lights that shine amidst the carny stereotypes, you will be forced to pay three (freakin') dollars per ride. If you make the mistake of buying tickets (no refunds mind you) even after you realize there are only like four other carnival-goers there, your children will not ride the roller coaster or the spinny thingy as they manuever at speeds that should be outlawed for riders under 42 inches. If your daughter refuses to ride anything, you will resort to force, threatening her to either ride the slide or not be able to play a game so she can win a prize. If you pay ten dollars for the tickets under the guise that you can use the tickets to throw darts at balloons as well, you will be disappointingly aggravated and want to grab the carny by the throat and shove the tickets down her throat. Er, I mean smile sweetly and pull the five out of your pocket so your screaming kids can shove a dart into a balloon. And if you do that, your son will win the thrill of choosing either a 1-inch stuffed heart or a black rose as his prize. If you begin to feel the carnival germs seeping into your pores after less than ten minutes, you will drag your children back to the car saying "you better be thankful you got to come at all!" If your daughter taunts your son telling him a heart is a girl prize, your son will step out of the car and throw it on the ground declaring "Hearts are stupid!" If your husband is waiting for you when you get home, be warned he will not be sympathetic to your tale but will laugh mockingly and say "I told you so."

Does this make me crazy?

I have inappropriate urges. Urges that involve pens and ankles. Exposing your ankle to me whilest I have a writing utensil in my hand could be a stumbling block for me. I will feel an insatiable desire to grafitti the empty space just below your ankle. I do it to myself constantly if I am sitting still. But, I did not realize that I felt the need to "tattoo" other people until I was sitting next to a friend during lifegroup a few weeks ago and she was barefoot. It was all I could do to keep my hand from infringing upon her space and doodling a quick cross. I was so distracted by my lusting after the blank slate before me that I couldn't concentrate on the Word. My ankle was already covered with hearts and stars. I needed to create a masterpiece, and there was the perfect canvas. I had to take my thoughts captive in order to overcome the temptation. No wonder my daughter still struggles with writing on herself, furniture, the walls, her dolls. I know how she feels. The passion for creating overcomes logic in that moment. (Our pastor coined that phrase Sunday, and it has been very applicable in my life!) Keep the ankles covered people. Well, the whole foot and the hands for that matter. or BEWARE of my idle hands!

Yeah, so Does that make me crazy?


2 Cor. 5:13
"If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God...." (Amen)

Conversations with Grayson

Me: You're going to be a preacher, aren't you?
Grayson: No
Me: Are you going to be a missionary?
Grayson: Yep.
Me: Where? In Africa?
Grayson: No! At McDonald's.

So, if my boy is prophetic....he may be the first missionary to McDonald's. Servin' up a Happy Meal and a holy message. Won't you support his cause?

Control Issues? Yeah, you gnome.

Today I have the luxury of closing myself in my house, camping out in the living room in my pajamas, going outside only to feed our new kitty, Lizzie Bellie, and get the mail. Of course, I don't know how much of a luxury it really is being that I am being held here forcefully by a sweet, sickly regurgitating little man. Though I have issues with certain things being splattered on the walls, I don't mind at all when my boy curls up in my lap and falls fast asleep.

I didn't really choose to abstain from blogging for a whole month, but I haven't been able to "complete" any great thoughts. I don't want my blog to be a smathering of randomness all the time, but I think I am beginning to see a pattern in my life. Lots of beginnings with no endings. Too many great ideas that are not followed through. Too many projects initiated but never completed. I obviously have personality issues. It’s got to be an issue of fear. Fear that I can’t successfully finish at the standard I would like to. Or maybe I am just lazy (not driven some might say? Lol) Commitment issues maybe? Like if I commit to this then I won’t be able to do that. And I have to be able to be open to whatever comes my way. okay so sorry about that aside into my psyche. Actually, I'm not sorry. In fact, how 'bout a further peek? In my vegetative state today, I thought it might be fun to browse through my pictures. Here are a few that make me happy:

this is why I love my man

this is what appears if you give my girl a camera

it never hurt to put a little hope in gnomes.

Rose? Rose? is that you...no no it's just your man.

oh my hehehahhaha
okay so we actually got out of the house one more time. The boy started feeling better and insisted we ride his four-wheeler. As I was driving down one of the trails, I began to wonder if it was actually a trail at all. It was not very cleared out. There were a few rocks in the way, and branches hanging low. But just barely you could see the tire tracks right in front of you. I thought about how we wonder the same thing a lot of times as we seek God about our trail in life. We begin cruising along and then when it becomes a little rocky we question whether it's really the path. "Are you sure God? That doesn't look very clear to me. I really can't see where I'm going." I like to think that I am not a control freak, that I very easily submit myself to God's will. But that is soooo not true. I may not count calories, make to-do lists incessantly, or be pushy about getting my way, but I maintain control of my days in my own manipulative ways quite often. Having faith that He has your life in His hands, and then actually trusting Him to take care of it are two totally different concepts. Taking that leap into nothing, complete abandonment...it's something I am still pursuing. Something I don't think I have figured out yet. I am confronted by my "control" issues in my relationship with my husband. Through those stupid disagreements that I sometimes just can't let go of, through the times I don't want to submit to his wisdom as the head of our family. But I know that Biblically, submission to my man is submission to God. Being dependent is difficult for our self-sufficient, self-gratifying culture, which, yep, includes myself most of the time. True trust is refusing to say, "but God." It is a reckless flailing at His feet. As I was driving down that not so clear path on the four-wheeler, Grayson sat securely against me; no tension in his body, no fear on his face. Instead, he was full of joy and his hands were in his lap with no doubt that I knew exactly what I was doing.

Psalm 131:2 But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.