Rip-Off

If the make-shift carnival rolls into town, DO NOT take your children, no matter how pathetically your 3-year-old begs you. If you are blinded by the bright lights that shine amidst the carny stereotypes, you will be forced to pay three (freakin') dollars per ride. If you make the mistake of buying tickets (no refunds mind you) even after you realize there are only like four other carnival-goers there, your children will not ride the roller coaster or the spinny thingy as they manuever at speeds that should be outlawed for riders under 42 inches. If your daughter refuses to ride anything, you will resort to force, threatening her to either ride the slide or not be able to play a game so she can win a prize. If you pay ten dollars for the tickets under the guise that you can use the tickets to throw darts at balloons as well, you will be disappointingly aggravated and want to grab the carny by the throat and shove the tickets down her throat. Er, I mean smile sweetly and pull the five out of your pocket so your screaming kids can shove a dart into a balloon. And if you do that, your son will win the thrill of choosing either a 1-inch stuffed heart or a black rose as his prize. If you begin to feel the carnival germs seeping into your pores after less than ten minutes, you will drag your children back to the car saying "you better be thankful you got to come at all!" If your daughter taunts your son telling him a heart is a girl prize, your son will step out of the car and throw it on the ground declaring "Hearts are stupid!" If your husband is waiting for you when you get home, be warned he will not be sympathetic to your tale but will laugh mockingly and say "I told you so."

Does this make me crazy?

I have inappropriate urges. Urges that involve pens and ankles. Exposing your ankle to me whilest I have a writing utensil in my hand could be a stumbling block for me. I will feel an insatiable desire to grafitti the empty space just below your ankle. I do it to myself constantly if I am sitting still. But, I did not realize that I felt the need to "tattoo" other people until I was sitting next to a friend during lifegroup a few weeks ago and she was barefoot. It was all I could do to keep my hand from infringing upon her space and doodling a quick cross. I was so distracted by my lusting after the blank slate before me that I couldn't concentrate on the Word. My ankle was already covered with hearts and stars. I needed to create a masterpiece, and there was the perfect canvas. I had to take my thoughts captive in order to overcome the temptation. No wonder my daughter still struggles with writing on herself, furniture, the walls, her dolls. I know how she feels. The passion for creating overcomes logic in that moment. (Our pastor coined that phrase Sunday, and it has been very applicable in my life!) Keep the ankles covered people. Well, the whole foot and the hands for that matter. or BEWARE of my idle hands!

Yeah, so Does that make me crazy?


2 Cor. 5:13
"If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God...." (Amen)

Conversations with Grayson

Me: You're going to be a preacher, aren't you?
Grayson: No
Me: Are you going to be a missionary?
Grayson: Yep.
Me: Where? In Africa?
Grayson: No! At McDonald's.

So, if my boy is prophetic....he may be the first missionary to McDonald's. Servin' up a Happy Meal and a holy message. Won't you support his cause?

Control Issues? Yeah, you gnome.

Today I have the luxury of closing myself in my house, camping out in the living room in my pajamas, going outside only to feed our new kitty, Lizzie Bellie, and get the mail. Of course, I don't know how much of a luxury it really is being that I am being held here forcefully by a sweet, sickly regurgitating little man. Though I have issues with certain things being splattered on the walls, I don't mind at all when my boy curls up in my lap and falls fast asleep.

I didn't really choose to abstain from blogging for a whole month, but I haven't been able to "complete" any great thoughts. I don't want my blog to be a smathering of randomness all the time, but I think I am beginning to see a pattern in my life. Lots of beginnings with no endings. Too many great ideas that are not followed through. Too many projects initiated but never completed. I obviously have personality issues. It’s got to be an issue of fear. Fear that I can’t successfully finish at the standard I would like to. Or maybe I am just lazy (not driven some might say? Lol) Commitment issues maybe? Like if I commit to this then I won’t be able to do that. And I have to be able to be open to whatever comes my way. okay so sorry about that aside into my psyche. Actually, I'm not sorry. In fact, how 'bout a further peek? In my vegetative state today, I thought it might be fun to browse through my pictures. Here are a few that make me happy:

this is why I love my man

this is what appears if you give my girl a camera

it never hurt to put a little hope in gnomes.

Rose? Rose? is that you...no no it's just your man.

oh my hehehahhaha
okay so we actually got out of the house one more time. The boy started feeling better and insisted we ride his four-wheeler. As I was driving down one of the trails, I began to wonder if it was actually a trail at all. It was not very cleared out. There were a few rocks in the way, and branches hanging low. But just barely you could see the tire tracks right in front of you. I thought about how we wonder the same thing a lot of times as we seek God about our trail in life. We begin cruising along and then when it becomes a little rocky we question whether it's really the path. "Are you sure God? That doesn't look very clear to me. I really can't see where I'm going." I like to think that I am not a control freak, that I very easily submit myself to God's will. But that is soooo not true. I may not count calories, make to-do lists incessantly, or be pushy about getting my way, but I maintain control of my days in my own manipulative ways quite often. Having faith that He has your life in His hands, and then actually trusting Him to take care of it are two totally different concepts. Taking that leap into nothing, complete abandonment...it's something I am still pursuing. Something I don't think I have figured out yet. I am confronted by my "control" issues in my relationship with my husband. Through those stupid disagreements that I sometimes just can't let go of, through the times I don't want to submit to his wisdom as the head of our family. But I know that Biblically, submission to my man is submission to God. Being dependent is difficult for our self-sufficient, self-gratifying culture, which, yep, includes myself most of the time. True trust is refusing to say, "but God." It is a reckless flailing at His feet. As I was driving down that not so clear path on the four-wheeler, Grayson sat securely against me; no tension in his body, no fear on his face. Instead, he was full of joy and his hands were in his lap with no doubt that I knew exactly what I was doing.

Psalm 131:2 But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.

My Simple Life

So lately I have either felt like this.

Or slightly like this. either way life is good.

I fried up some steak and squash for my man and then had to go to my softball game where I was accused of smelling greasy and fried..... My spiritual lessons have come by way of softball as well. Let's just say, "A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor."Psalm 29:23

I recently went through my childhood collection of clowns and decided to part with a few, but had sooo much fun playing with them. I feel bad for you if you were not so blessed to see my clowns in their glory days. Strange as it seems, they still have some kind of power over me.

And my girl thinks she will be a hairdresser some day. She has a creative talent anyway. Check our pic link in the sidebar, to see the back of my hair which is just as interesting as the front.

The next couple of weeks will bring lots of first for us. Season's first day of kindergarten, Grayson's first day of preschool, my first church women's event as one of the "leaders," my first visit to the neurologist (hopefully the last as well). I think Graham, atleast, will do life as usual, but I know his mind and spirit are just bursting to build his own home for the first time! The barn we are to live in will be making its way to the land next month I believe. Yes, I said I'm gonna live in a barn. Graham's uncle cracked a joke about our kids acting like they were "raised in a barn." I'm praying the barn-raising will be short lived, but I'm ready for whatever changes come our way, whether they look as I think they should or not.

Presently in List Format

Things I love:
*the obvious transforming power of Christ reflected in someone's life
*quiet time with a little coffee on the side
*fellowship with Believers. (As one charismatic pastor on TBN put it, "There's no ship like fellowship." hehehe)
*words, wonderful words
*watching my children grow and learn
*garage sales and thrift shopping
*a good competition
*proofreading
*authenticity
*floating in my pool by myself

Things I hate:
*coffee aftertaste
*the obvious sexualiztion of TV commercials (and I'm not just talking beer commercials here. pay attention the next time your TV is on. it's disgusting what we are allowing society to feed us.)
*cleaning up my own messes
*making an error
*a dirty kitchen floor
*not being able to sleep
*unreliability

Things I wish i did more:
*write
*exercise
*read my Bible and pray
*see my Bff
*spend quality time with my sisters

Things I wish I did less:
*pee
*eat and drink junk
*get annoyed at my kids and husband
*complain

Things that interest me/make me think:
*Unprotected, the book I just read.
*Psalm 51:16-17 God just keeps bringin' me back to brokenness
*This poem I discovered in high school. why? because it speaks truth. and it hurts.
*the role of hormones in our being
*personalities and contemplating how they form

Things I wish I could do:
*sing
*play the guitar
*write a novel
*run a marathon
*become Dr. Summer (lol, but really)
*be in a play
*wait tables part time

Things that make me cry:
*abortion & all of its effects on our world
*so many children growing up without stable homes
*the Olympics (the elation of winning mixed with the sorrow of loss)
*the thought of losing someone I love

Things that make me laugh:
*seeing the janitor from my junior high school at Dollar Store and him greeting me by name
*the conversations I have with my children. recently Season was pretending that Grayson was her boyfriend. I told her she couldn't marry her brother because he was family. She looked confused, but said, "Yeah, he's too short."
*my diary from elementary school (in the fourth grade I was "allergic" to Mrs. Applegate, and I couple skated for the first time with a boy, lol)
*my sister's stories
*Grayson's little hiney in his underwear & and hearing him talk

Work it out

Are you daily challenged to take it to the Word? To take what you hear and compare it to the Truth, as the Bereans did? Or are you standing so firmly on church doctrine or momma’s faith that you have yet to really work out your own salvation? As my Dedad would say when he preached, “Do you know that you know that you know?” If you haven’t been pushed to this point in your life where you really have to seek out the Truth for yourself, I challenge you to dig a little deeper.
I grew up in church, surrounded by family who have served God for years. I had no choice but to know who He is. My truth was passed down to me, spoon-fed to me. Obviously this was a blessing, but it was also comfortable and easy to take for granted. I can understand how easy it would be to just believe in another religion if I was raised up that way, because just as Christianity was a way of life for me growing up, so is Islam or Hinduism for others. I think there has to be a point in your life where you question what you believe and why you believe it. I think it is often much easier for someone who is not in the church as such to come to this point, because we churched people just take for granted that we know the truth and may become self-righteous in doing so. We somehow miss the desperation for knowing Him and become secure in the façade of knowing Him because “well, I go to church or I am Baptist or my daddy is a preacher.” There is nothing we can bring to Him that is worthy, except for Christ crucified. And if we don’t get how broken we are before Him, we are very likely to uphold our checklist of rules or passed down "beliefs" above His Word and who He is.
I am naturally skeptical, so I have always questioned. And I had an awesome Sunday school teacher who always met my questions with Scripture. She never tried to get me to believe what she believed, she gave me the Word and let me work it out myself. But not until a few years ago did I really know that I know. I was desperate for change and questioned Him. And He basically asked me, “Do you know that I am real? Do you know what you believe? How do you know that I am Truth? Because if you truly believe in me, then you have to believe every single ounce of my Word. If you doubt my Word, you doubt me.” I had to lay every bit of my unbelief at His feet and ask for forgiveness. I realized I either had to be all in or I was out, that I was either completely, unabashedly for Him or I was against Him. He does not tolerate half-heartedness or indifference. Only then did I really begin to see the power of His Word and really stand on it and not my background or feelings or church doctrines. I really began to search and find the Truth, and my life has not been the same since. My personalization and analysis of who He is came at a time when I was not in “church” really, which I find interesting, just as an aside. People will fail you, churches will fail you, but He and His word do not waiver. Stand firm but never stop working out your salvation. Never stop searching His word. When I hear somebody say something I am not sure about, it is exciting to take it to the Bible and determine the Truth and where I stand in light of that. Graham and I find it interesting (and honestly confusing) how we all read the same scriptures but can come to different conclusions. Some truths or principles we will never really know until we see Him face to face, ( drinking, free will vs. predestination, the spiritual world, for example) and then it won’t matter anyway.
Be confident that you know that you know Him. On the other hand, do not be prideful. Be willing to be challenged and learn from other Christians, aware that you do not know it all. But, do not be pushed around in your beliefs. The Bible tells us to Stand Firm. All I am saying is that I don’t think we can stand firm on truth if we do not know it personally and intimately. Own the Truth. Be possessive of it and obsessive about it. (RAGE!) Pursue Him relentlessly. Let the Word be your backbone.

Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:4-5