God gives...

Do you ever look at your kids? No, I mean really stop and breathe in every ounce of who God made them. Why do we get so busy that we forget to do this? I'm with mine pretty much 24/7, and I "overlook" them all of the time in lieu of homework, cleaning up, and general unimportant details. I don't want to. I want every day to be a day of standing in awe of what God has given me. My children's beauty and being often catches me off guard. It humbles me. Tucking Grayson in the other night I stared at him for the longest, telling him what a miracle he was. He kissed me as tears rolled down my face in thankfulness for what I do not deserve. It's as if God has to grab me by the shoulders sometimes and shake me and say "LOOK! They are what really matters in this life! Mother them as if you are mothering me!" If I was born for nothing else, I was born to be their mom and to be a wife to Graham. God has given me other things to "do," other people to love, but He always bring me back to Himself and then my little family for true contentment and joy. And that's what this week has been to me...a time of refreshing with my family. Graham was able to take off of work a few days, and we just hung out as a family. We had a picnic and silly fun at the park(some pics in sidebar). Friday we took Season to see the Bee Movie. Saturday the girls stayed busy at home, while the men did "men" things, you know burn stuff and build stuff. Graham and I even got to watch both of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies after the kids went to bed, and we finally booked a small vacation for our tenth anniversary.
This life bring ups and downs physically, emotionally, circumstantially. I do not want to take this "up" for granted. Because the truth is, it could all come crashing down tomorrow. This life is a vapor, as my husband often reminds me. And our God is no respecter of persons. Sorry, I don't intend to be a Debbie Downer, as my sister calls me, just a realist. So, yeah, I am thankful and overwhelmed by His blessings.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17

Saturday afternoon.

Saturday we pulled out the paints and had some fun. Thought I'd share our final products...


I call this uh.."Saturday afternoon." I know, I know
the pure creative genius of each stroke is overwhelming.


Grayson loves to paint, or uh dump out paint....


all over himself. It looks tragic, huh.
He enjoyed washing it all off with the waterhose, too.


My big girl. She calls the one on the left "Big Dipper"
and the one on the right "Pool." I love how she really
thinks about what she is painting, and explained each painting
to me as she did it.



This has nothing to do with anything, but if you are a lover of the words as I am, you will so enjoy this cool dictionary. Try it. It's fun. Yes, dictionaries can be fun!

It ends well.

I can only think randomly as of late, too much swimming inside my head to really focus on one thing. That’s why it’s been a whole month since my last post! So, I thought I would make a “random” list so maybe you can really get an idea of what it’s like to live inside my head. Scary thought, huh? I think that is how I cope, don’t focus on anything for too long so as to not get lost in it. I think that’s why school has been so difficult for me lately. Writing 10-page papers takes focus, and it’s just something that my lazy self does not want to do right now. So in honor of my thought process, a random list.

1. I am so hacked off at people who see the need to display a life-size Freddy Krueger in their yard. Is that entirely necessary? Especially when I know these people have children under the age of ten. Is that really what you want in their heads? I know it’s Halloween or whatever, but making a graveyard in your front yard? Why is that acceptable? I don’t have a problem with letting my kids participate in Halloween through dress-up, trick-or-treating, or the carnivals that abound during that time, but when I have to drive by a stinkin’ Freddy Kreuger waving at me everyday just to get home, that I have a problem with. And I don’t even live on Elm Street!

2. My boy is the cutest, orneriest, sweetest, silliest person I know. I love him! But he is really good at driving me bananas, and I think he knows it already. In fact I think he intentionally walks around the house and takes inventory, noting things that he can destroy, spread all over the house, or lather all over himself when I’m not looking for a few minutes. I think he is constantly making mental notes to himself like “ok, if I drag that chair over here in front of the sink, I can then reach the faucet. I can turn the water on and fill up the cups and then dump it in the floor! Mom will love that!” Tuesday as I was trying to get ready to go to the Pregnancy Center, he had toilet papered his whole room, taken the hand soap from the bathroom and slathered it in his hair, and gathered a stack of DVD’s to take “bye bye.“ Then just for good measure he dumped out his block, legos, and a jar of buttons that he found somewhere. He has so much fun! When we go to Wal-Mart or “Mal-Nart” as he calls it, he yells, very passionately, the name of each item he knows. “Fish!” “Cereal!” “Juice!” He is just such a boy. Something I know very little about. It is such an exciting challenge though. The other night he was coughing a lot, wasn’t sleeping well. I went to his room, asked him if he was okay, patted his head, gave him a kiss. He said, “Thanks Mommy.” The next morning he climbed under the covers with me and snuggled up. Out of the blue he says, “Mommy I love jew(you)” And then struggled to get his arms out of the covers, spread ‘em out, and say, “This much.” Man, little boys know just how to love (and terrorize) their mommies!


3. I am so excited for my friends, the Tefertillers, who leave Saturday for Africa. Keep them in your prayers as they strive to follow God’s lead and share His love outside of the U.S. I so admire their passion for and obedience to our God. Good people, and I love ‘em! I just have this feeling that God is about to reveal how real He is to new people everywhere, from here to Africa! Really! I can literally feel a churning! That sounds so stupid I know, but I’m just excited! Now you may not be able to see it outwardly (that’s not my style lol) but WOW! HE IS SO REAL! Get ready! We had a little party for the T’s last night, and as our awesome friend Terrie read Revelations 9-10 After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: "Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb." I was so moved as I envisioned that scene. Think about it. I so want to be there, don’t you?


Well, I had a lot more randomness goin' on, but thinking about Jesus and worshipping Him in our home in Heaven kind of rids your mind of all the clutter.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth
Psalm 57:5

Awesomeness

Today I just want to say that my God is awesome. He is awesome for so many reasons that I am unable to adequately express, but I'm gonna try a few.

1. When you give to Him, He gives back so much more. Graham and I made a pact with God of some sort last week, concerning discipline in our lives. Just a small step really, but our relationship this week has just been fun. We have been able to find joy despite not feeling 100%. We have blessed each other with grace in times that we wouldn't usually. And in my thinking, it's all because of God. We agreed to be more focused on Him, and He, in His overwhelming grace and mercy, decided to pour us down a blessing!

2. He created a beautiful night. Saturday night I stood outside in my driveway just staring up at the sky in childlike amazement. The stars were just Wow! You could like see every single one of them and they seemed as if you could reach out and grab them. They were so visible because there was no moon. The sky was absolutely pitch (whatever that means!) black. We should shine like that in this world. We should sharply contrast with the darkness around us. Hmmmmmm....it's a challenge. I know I'm not "shiney" enough. Thank God He continues to polish us daily.

3. He has a sense of humor. That same night as I admired the stars, I had a conversation with Graham and a good old friend of his. I laughed at them and they wondered why. I didn't laugh because anything was funny but because our conversation was somewhat ironic. Not so many years ago I would have been extremely angry at them and their heathen ways. But not so anymore as we discussed our God and His ways instead.

**Why is God awesome to you? Come on and leave me a comment and brag on Him. Show us some love. hehehehe


Psalm 34 1-3
I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together.

Lappin' it up...

Well, this may be my last post for a while as my school just started up again. And from my perspective it is hard core. This is my third semester. My third semester to look at all those assignments and feel like I'm drowning while I think “How will I ever get all that completed?” I do honestly love being a student, but I don’t love feeling pressured by due dates! And trying to figure out how and when it will all get done. I do not want to get straight A's but be a bad mom and wife, so I struggle to keep my head above water every semester. And I know, I know, I signed up for this. I am paying for this! Why? Because I know God has some kind of plan He is working on up there. And when I was seeking whether He really wanted me to do this or not, I was like, uh, God don’t you know this is going to be hard, take time, money, etc. blah blah blah. He was like, uh, what? Do you think I’m only supposed to ask you to do easy things? How do you think Moses felt or Abraham, or you know, what about my son Jesus? Ok Ok I get you God. Sometimes we have to Do Hard Things, right girls? (lol) And as I complain, I know that in the big scheme of things being a grad student is really no big deal. But it is still my reality at this point in my life and this is my blog so there you go. So needless to say, on average for the next three months I have about two 8 page papers due per week, along with two tests. And that’s only nine hours people. It is a real challenge for me, one I am incapable of completing without God.

I did something else hard this week, too. I lived through a softball game in which we lost 30-5. It was horrible! It really was my definition of hell on earth. My team could not do much of anything right. I was completely miserable and helpless standing at first base. The only way it could have been worse is if it were a few degrees hotter…..and I was naked. Seriously! Torture.

My Season went to her first day of preschool yesterday. I really don’t know what happened while she was there, except that they had popcorn for snack and she played in the dirt. But when I picked her up she was smiling. That’s good right? Lol. She really did have a good time and is ready to go back. I’m excited that she’s excited. She also had gymnastics yesterday. It was the most hilariously adorable thing I’ve ever seen, and she loved every minute of it. This season of her life is just a lot of fun. She is learning so much so quickly, and I admire the joy she finds in the simple things. I love being her mommy.

So, I am about to listen to a lecture online. That is the truth of my life. It is such an exciting one...sitting on my couch wearing headphones with my laptop... in my lap hehe

Who do you say I am?

I have often said that I don’t care what people think of me, that whether you like me or not matters little to me. I am just who I am and am not willing to change to make you like me. And though it is still mostly how I feel, I realize now that it may not always be Christ-like to think like this. Growing up and still to this day, I have had people tell me that they didn’t think I liked them, or that they didn’t like me until they really got to know me, that they thought I was a "snob." I am quiet, reserved, shy, introverted, all those stinkin’ words that I have come to hate, but that’s who I am. That is how God made me I guess. So, am I responsible for other people’s perceptions of me? Can I help the judgments people form of me before they ever know me? Unfortunately, whether I like it or not, I believe the responsibility is mostly mine. This is a hard truth for me because I really am oblivious to others around me for the most part. (not to their needs, but to their perceptions of me. I want to be a servant, I just don't want to be concerned with people I am unaware of forming opinions of me) I just do my thang and don’t really think about much else, until it’s over. Then I might look back and think hmmmm I wonder what so and so thinks about me. But then I think who cares and move on. Honestly, and until recently I didn’t really realize that everybody was not like that.

But, I feel awkward making small talk with people, so a lot of times I just say nothing. I hate forced conversations. But, I really do envy that quality in people to make those around them feel comfortable. My husband is so good at that. I just feel stupid when I open my mouth to talk to somebody I don’t know that well. I really do desire to be more approachable, though. I desire to be a reflection of the joy I feel in my heart. I want all people to see Jesus in me, not just the people I know well. I want strangers to feel secure in my presence and not wonder whether I like them or not. In order to do this I have to embody the fruits of the spirit. People should see love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control when they look at me. I don’t think that is expecting too much of myself. It may be difficult to overcome my weaknesses. In fact, it will be impossible without Jesus working through me, without my obedience to walk in the spirit. I must step out when He says to step out. I don’t have to be something I’m not, but I must be the me He created me to be. And I don’t think he created me to use my weaknesses as excuses or crutches. I think He gave me weaknesses so that He could show His awesome strength in my life.

So, I really don’t care what people think of me. But I do care what God thinks of me.

Covered Up in Kids!

Catching up

I cannot keep up with my blogging. I just have so many important things to do, lol. No, but really, I have been busy lately. Not with anything huge, but lots of small things that I would like to finish one of these days. And school is about to start back up for me. I am almost dreading it, simply because I have had few deadlines this summer. Deadlines are good for me though because they give my day some discipline whether I like it or not. Season will start preschool this year, too. She is really excited about it, so that is a relief for me. She is also going to be taking gymnastics. I can’t wait to see her do that! But, I’ll blog all about that later. Today I feel like I need to catch up with what’s been happening lately. So this post will be somewhat random, like myself. And I’ll try not to get too deep and reflective as my past few posts have been very much so. I need to lighten up I think!

This past weekend the Pregnancy Center hosted an all-night tournament, at which I played and worked. Needless to say I went a whole 24 hours without sleep! But it was worth it since we raised much-needed funds for the Center. My team did horribly, losing both of our games. Lose two and you’re out. So,yeah. The second game I was just scared of getting hit with the ball at first base by my own shortstop, being that he was mostly drunk. He kept missing the ball and blaming it on Budweiser or Miller or whatever. Funny in a sickening kind of way. He somehow managed to throw me the ball; however, I did try to stop the ball with my ankle at one point. Unfortunately, also,one of our volunteers broke her knee(or something similar, she’s supposed to go to the doctor today to get the prognosis). She was playing hind catcher and pretty much got run over at home plate. It wasn’t pretty at all with her lying on the ground suffering, while the guys on her team were worried about kicking the guy’s butt that slid into her. Anyway, after that, I sat in the bleachers for six hours keeping score. I am a pro at this point. A pro with tons of mosquito bites and a flat sore butt. I learned some new batting techniques, caught up with one of my ex-students (who was also drunk BTW), watched monster moths try to crash the games, and managed to stay awake until the sun came up. Shane (Wendy’s man) very kindly brought me drinks and tried his best to keep me awake, while he was dreaming with his eyes open. All in all it was a good time. I made it to Sunday School and then I crashed like never before. Staying up all night is stupid, no matter the reason. Lol.

Softball has become quite a part of my life this summer, as tonight will be my fourth game in five days. I honestly love it though. I mean I hate playing when it is so hot or when my teammates are drunk, but I do enjoy the competition. This is the first season I have played first base and I like it, though every time the ball is hit toward second base I want to be there too. I pretty much want to be wherever the ball is hit, not that I would catch it every time but I would sure like to try. Is it wrong to be a 30-year-old mom and enjoy sports so much? I just hope my kids enjoy them too. Then, at least I can vicariously live through them, lol.

My kids are still awesome. Grayson makes me laugh so much. He is just so determined when he gets something in his head. He is also very forceful, by that I mean that if he wants to sit in my lap and I am doing something else, he will kick and claw his way to right where he wants to be. And it can be painful. Even his hugs are painful, but so loving too. He is such a show-off. I love it. And Season, wow!, she is growing up so fast, it makes me hurt, too. She is determined, as well. She is very convincing too, making her way somehow seem like the right thing to do. I question how a four-year-old can be so persuasive, and maybe I am just being a pushover. Yeah, that could be it. She is very good at working the tears right when she needs them though. They challenge me, bring me to my knees, fill my house with laughter and love, and make me act seriously silly.

I have enjoyed several times with friends lately, old and new. It is such a blessing to have friends, and good ones at that. I am just in awe of God for surrounding me with the people He has. Well, I have blogged my time away…and not really said much, but it has somehow made my head a little less cluttered. I have more ideas in my head to share, but still have to expand them. (walking in the spirit vs. not walking in the spirit, willlingness to admit weaknesses, my responsibility in people’s perceptions of me, our spiritual gifts, my friends, my religion, personality types). So, yeah, the ideas are just swimming and I’m sure you are just so anxious to hear my views. I guess I will sign off now as my forceful son is literally climbing on my back.

But I gotta add that my husband is awesome, too. He has made my latest outings possible by being such a great dad. I'm thankful that he is always around and doesn't complain(very often lol) when he has to pick up the slack. WYMSIE baby! He is my MAN.